Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Esmeralda, Nov 2, 2007.
Anyone heard from White Dove/Susan? It's been a long time and I'm very worried.
I hope she's all right. I haven't talked to her much but I've read some of her posts and she is a very sweet person. I hope someone's heard from her.... I'm getting worried now. Maybe she's feeling a little better and hasn't felt the need to come here? I hope so.
As it happened I came across her tag in another forum...
Whether that means its her or not is pure speculation and irrelevant.
As I have stated in other postings about enquires of people leaving this forum; I strongly believe its their choice and I respect that. Should they decide to let us know, where they are now, they would.
To tell you where white dove is, is disrespecting her decision of withdrawing from this forum. Sending a PM would probably be a sensible option in this case.
i have not left this forum. i just have been busy and at the docs office. things are going downhill for me and there going downhill fast lately. i have not been feeling all that well and when i do get online at times i do not go to the forums anymore cause i dont feel like going. i dont know what you mean about any tag or whatever a tag is but i can assure you that i have not been on any forums lately. i did go to 2 others but that was within the past 3 or 4 days to pm someone from there for something.
i apologize for not logging on sooner but i cant be here 24/7 nor can i guarentee what tomorrow will bring me. it may bring me death or may not. i feel alone. i feel like i dont have any friends and i feel partly to blame for whats been happening with this site , as i have read a few posts tonight.. i feel that if i had not trusted to tell one friend ( who i thought was a friend ) about where i was posting at online here then that person would not have told someone else who then told someone else, etc.. those others come on here to register and post not because they need help and not because they want to help either. they post and register to just talk because they are accustomed to just regular talk boards and not support boards like this. they registered to post just to hurt me. they done it to go behind my back to tell otrhers all about my past and my mistakes when i was trying to bury it. if they had never known i was here then they could never have been here to hurt me or hurt others here. they dont understand the pain we have and to them it is just a game. i apologize for trusting that one person and for believing they were a friend.. they spread the link of where i was now everyone from CC and ST and CF know where i am at here and they come here to hurt me dilibertly
things with me are not good and when i say that i am being truthful and honestly about it. things have been happening around me that even though i have a boyfriend who loves me so much right now i just feel dead inside. im empty inside. i hardly have any feeling at all.. something someone would say that used to hurt me has no effect on me. its like its gone too deep.
i dont trust anymore.. i cant trust anymore.. i cant even trust any minister at any church anymore.. people will tell me they love me but i dont trust they do nor do i believe they do love me.. actions are worth more then words and their actions prove they really dont care and to be honest i dont care myself anymore.. .
there is a big void in me and things keep hap[pening to me. my home , a home i worked so hard at getting so my dad would have a place to lay his head down upon a bed and get off that floor cause i know it hurts his back .. hes 73 years old and has to sleep on a floor cause this home is so little, no room for a bed.. i dont mind the floor myself but dont want to see him on the floor.. my bigger trailer had a bed in it for him.. its all gone now because some rich stupid guy decided to set my home on fire and burn it to the ground.. the police are not doing anything. the fire department is just volunteer and has no arson investigator.. the guy will get away with it while i have lost everything i own..
people tell me things will get better. well i want to know when??? when does it get better? when will it ever end for me? why cant my life be good? why is it so hard for me to have a home with a bed? why is it so hard for me to have a good car? why is it so hard for me to even be able to reconsile with two people i dearly cheriused? why do they hate me? why does God hate me? what did i do to deserve a life like this? people tell me no one goes through hardships all the time, well if thats the case then why do i ? why cant it ever end for me? i cant get ahead because someone is always pushing me down.. like in the bible i have faught the good fight, well i cant fight anymore and im not going to fight anymore..
the law will not do nothing about this arson. this guy will get away with it.. well i tell you i am taking the law into my own hands and then turning upon myself. i am sick of this life. i am sick of trying. i am being driven to it..
all those people who hurt my feelings and laughed about it..( both online and offline ) calling me a whore, etc all those who pryed upon my heart and told me they loved me then just abandon me,, it has helped me be where i am at right now. it was the driving force behind all this.. there has always been a thin line between being violent and being driven to violence and i am about to cross over that line and when i do theres no turning back .....
all i have ever asked for was justice.. fairness.. to be accepted and to be loved ...
need to correct something i said above..
i said the law was not doing anything about it but i did happen to speak with the sheriff today and they are doing something about it.. the fire marshel according to the sheriff said the mobile home was not worth investigating it because it was too old i assume ( it is/ was a 1967 ) but he didnt know that it had new wireing in it, new floors in it, etc.. i was remodeling it and had stopped remodeling it about 3 months ago because it was able to be pulled now, however they are doing something about it and i needed to correct that statement above where i said they were not doing anything about it..
suppose to go back out to the burnt mobile again but theres so little they can do...
i ask that if any of you believe in God or pray , please ask in your prayers that whoever did this will get caught ? thats all i can do now is hope and pray to God that the person responciable will indeed be caught.. it wont bring my stuff back but at least i will have some closer on this.
Did you have homeowner's insurance?
no thats the problem.. i did not have any insurance on it. even if i could have afforded it i dont think they would have insured it and it being a 1967 ..
i never thought it would ever catch on fire. i mean there was no electric to it, not even a electric pole attached to it. it had electric heat ( new furnece , its all burnt up now , money gone down the drain there ) bought that furnece a while back.. now its gone and those things are not cheap. even had to replace some vents for it also under the floor, all gone now..
i thought the only way it could ever get torn up would be either a tornado in that area or a bad storm striking the nearest tree and it tearing it up.. that was like a 1 in a million chance of happening , now the dang things all gone..
will be getting photos in a day or too when i get my car fixed and get some money.. will post a link to anyone who wants to see just how bad it burnt.. i mean from the bathroom to the front ( tongue ) its nothing but a floor, the bathroom and back bedroom are bearly standing completly gutted.. it was a total loss.. gosh i got to quit talking about this cause im getting upset again..
:hug: Sorry for your loss...just remember they were only material belongings and you can get past this Susan. Hang in there.
yes i know.. i keep telling myself that but its hard .. i mean i lost things that cant be replaced.. trophies i won at fairs , a organ that was my grandmas, they cant be replaced..
i just want the guy that done it behind bars.. i have saved up 250$ as a reward and posted a cash reward for info so maybe as the reward grows someone will come forward with info?? i will increase that reward every chance i get and will not stop at nothing until i get him behind bars for this.. i may die before justice is served but i am sure as heck going to try to see it done before i pass away..
I'm so sorry you lost such precious things. Please do your best to follow up wi th the authorities and see that justice is done, even if you need to contact the state police as opposed to the locals. This man deserves t be in jail and you deserve to be recompensed. Hang in there sweetie. :hug:
well i took photos of the burnt out mobile yesterday and will get them developed in a day or too, then i am going to post a link here so others can see whats left of the home.. which is nearly nothiong so others will know i did not lie.. it makes me so mad that others cant stop thinking of my god dang past... my trailor did burn..
as to the other two trailers i had given to me.. one , my brother is living in because he was homeless and he now is close by to take care of me when i get to where i cant get around anymore with this cancer.. i had to borrow 1500 and another 750 just to wire it up, then another 1500 to set it up.. this was borrowed against my land and now theres no more equity in the land for me to borrow anymore. my brother dont have lights but at least him and his kids are in out of the cold.. the other one that i had gotten has a fuse box in it and needs rewired completly.. too much money that i dont have and cant borrow.. the one that burnt only required one wire ( stiove wire ) from the breaker to the stove area which i had bought and had a guy put it in for me. i had bought plywood for the floors and new cabinets, plus a new furnace which is not cheap.. had a guy going to pull it here for 250 dollars but now its all gone burnt up by the stupid idiot next door.. they will never get him.. he will get away with it. i have just lost everything and i am about to give up.. i have had it with this life and society.. i have had it with people hurting me.. let them try and hurt me from the grave.. i am taking away there power of hurting me..
i will post a link to show and prove i did not lie, then i am gone.. no more hurting for me..