White Dove

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by White Dove, Jan 8, 2009.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I am White Dove. Been off and on here for a long time about 2 years i think? Been struggling with many things both emotional and physical. I know some of the time i may post things that seem to be me playing a broken record, cause i have a lot of hurt, both emotional and physical. I dont even know if my presence here is worth anything to anybody.

    Do you love me?

    That is one question that has been on my mind and upon my heart.

    do i cause you pain here? does my posts cause you pain?

    i am so emotionally, spiritually, and physically drained that even posting i feel as though i am doing it wrong or wording my posts wrong.

    if i am causing pain for any of you please tell me how not to do that for i truly dont know what to do or say just that right now i am hurting deeply. i am not seeking attention or asking for attention. i need to know how i can cope when everytime i love someone they either die or leave me. how can i be there for others when i need others myself?

    the reason i started posting again here was because the death of my oldest brother and the hurt brought onto me not only by his death but by very cold words from a minister who is supopose to love you. i have within my means to leave and i am strongly thinking of leaving just after the funeral.

    well at least the herald citizen finally did put it in the local paper about my brothers passing so hopfully his 2 sons up here can come say goodbye to him?

    i feel like a broken record posting my feelings online, i feel like i am nothing but a worthless piece of dog .... because i cant help anyone right now.. i am really and honestly hurting that bad that i cant seem to help anyone else.

    i was asked do i want to die? if i am that much hurting why dont i go to the ER? Well thats simple, i wont go to an ER because i have had it with this life and want to really just go.

    right now that would be best? would it not? dont you think i have been here long enough? well i do, look at how long i have lasted, the death of my brother just broke me.. it really just broke what little bit of love i had left of my heart.

    this is not a suicide note just in case a mod or admin reads it and thinks it that way, well its not, i wont leave a note behind. i think if one leaves a note it will only add to someone elses pain.

    so what am i asking?


    do you love me here?

    do i hurt you here? if so, then tell me what not to do so i wont hurt you anymore.

    do you want white dove to fly away for good?

    i want to know if i am truly loved here or not. i really need to know. thank you
  2. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    okay? i am not loved am i?

    well i didnt expect to be anyhow..

    looks as if my thoughts were right on this?

    Thats okay.. thats what i needed to know.

    Thank You!
  3. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    aww huni :hug: of course you are loved! and im sure many people would hate to see you leave! I dont know you, but i have seen you around and you have offered support to lots of people, and so what if you post the same things, you cant help the way you feel! You havent hurt me, so i see no problem there huni and id like to get to know you if you stay and give me the oppertunity! :hug:

    so no, i dont want white dove to fly away just yet! :hug:
  4. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    nice to see you white dove have often wondered what became of you welcome hug
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    thank you lexi...

    i was about to log off and never come back on ever, just stay away and end it this weekend.. i really was..

    i am just so hurting right now.. i have my brothers funeral friday and i want to just leave after the funeral.. i really do.... .
  6. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    we will be here for you hun through that tough time, i know its hard to loose a sibling... :hug: but think, would your brother want you like this hun? He is in a safe place now where he cant be hurt, in peace and watching over you! YOU have to live on and keep his memory alive.. :hug:
  7. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    computer torn up then not really felt the need to be here but now since my brother passed away all i want to do is die to be with him and my mom...

    i dont think people know what i am capable of, its not a joke.. i really dont want to be here and anymore and plus im mad

    im mad at GOD.. everytime i get to really loving someone GOD takes them away from me and i am darn tired of it.. i was just getting to know my brother after all these years, we were really getting along good, just like when i thought i was getting along good with the daltons whom i loved like a family, God took them away and he took my brother away, now maybe its time i go away??? for real...
  8. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    no huni, please dont go, i know your hurting so much, but its not the answer! :hug:
  9. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    then what is the answer?

    i cant love anyone..

    if i love anyone too deeply they will die.. its like my love kills them..
  10. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately, your teams are sometimes stupid when it comes to responding to commands maneuvering them to safety, which is one of the core gameplay mechanics. For example, you'll tell soldiers to run over in cover and dig in behind a low rock wall, intentionally placing the command ring behind the middle of the structure to ensure the safety of your troops
  11. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    so im stupid?

    okay thanks for letting me know!
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