This is a poem that I wrote a few years ago about the physical abuse from my father when I was a child. ** TRIGGER WARNING ** Whiter Than Snow I lay my head down My pillow is so soft, I want to sleep forever, I’m such a tired little boy, So tired Of life already. “Angels bless and angels keep Angels guard me while I sleep Bless my heart and bless my home Bless my spirit as I roam Guide and guard me through the night And wake me with the morning’s light.” My prayer goes unanswered, As my father yells my name. I startle so easily, And jump from my bed. “Yes, sir?” I have done something, Forgotten something, Misplaced something, Can’t remember something, Just something. Something. He yells at me to go to the bathroom, I know the drill, The lights are turned off, The door is shut, And I sit in the dark, Total dark, Crying. I hate the dark. “Please?” I call, But no answer. Another day, Another crime I have committed Against my father’s law, Justice is swift, Absolute, And predictable. He has a black leather belt, Shiny black. He always yells While he’s taking it off. Yelling, yelling, yelling. The sound of belt Connecting with a little boy’s body, Again and again and again, Over and over and over, My legs collapse, God, please let me pass out, Please let me die. Why does he hate me so much? What is wrong with me? Why am I such a bad boy? “Whiter than snow, Whiter than snow, Come wash me and I will be Whiter than snow. Wash me and I will be Whiter than snow.” Wash away the badness In this little boy, So that I will be Whiter than snow, So that I will be Acceptable.