Who am I trying to fool...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sakura, May 21, 2007.

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  1. Sakura

    Sakura Well-Known Member

    Obviously myself :sad:

    I'm sorry...I have realized that I am using you all as a way to try to keep myself stable and afloat. Like if I come here enough, and try to help as many people as I possibly can when I'm here, then I won't have to think about anything else...that I won't have to think about, or feel the pain that I constantly push deep down within myself.

    And it did work...for a little while at least...I have managed to enjoy myself for a bit...especially in chat...there are some very cool, funny, and interesting people in there ^^
    And a couple of times, I was able to give help and comfort to someone who needed it, and that also made me feel good, and useful ^^

    But I've realized that I can't continue to use the site, and you all like this anymore. I shouldn't have to be so dependant on someone else to help me...I should be able to somehow help myself...

    So once again I'm sorry...thank you all for at least giving me a couple of really good days here...I wish that I was stronger, and could somehow figure out a way to continue living, so that I might be able to be with you all more...

    Take care of yourselves...you're all really wonderful people, and it was an honor getting to know you all :hug:

    ~Love Shauna~

  2. MrA

    MrA Active Member

    What does that mean, you wanna go?? Noooooooooooo :sad:

    Why do you think that way, why do you think so complicated? If you like the site, the people, and the people like you (like I do!) you should have a nice small talk from time to time with us! This hasn't anything to do with "using us"... if that would be so, my best friend would be used out already after 7 years :laugh:
    And that you help other people I can only appreciate! Sure it does make you feel good because you do sth wonderful for the people, I'm looking up to you for that! And if you got once a problem we all can help you with, I'm sure everybody would, at least I would do everytime :wink:

    Please, please, please, don't go! I bug you :sad:
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Shauna you are not using us here. We give and take as we need. When someone is in need of support, you try to offer it to them When you need support, we try and offer it to you. The road travels in both directions and is well worn. Everyone needs help now and then.Being able to ask for help when you need it is part of learning to care for yourself. I hope you choose to continue coming here. Please take care. :hug:
  4. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    shauna i think we all need to help ourselves but that is not always possible sometimes we need a little support from our friends. i think it is an awesome sign of health when you can reach beyond yourself and help someone else. don't give up on that. we want you to hang around and appreciate everything about you so please no matter what you do please take care of yourself, and i look forward to continue to see you around the forum. :smile:
  5. itachi

    itachi Well-Known Member

    Shauna :hug: :cheekkiss
  6. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    The whole point of this site is for mutual support. You are doing the very thing that this site was set up for, the very thing that everyone else is doing. :smile: We all need a bit of support sometimes and other times we can offer it to someone else in need. We don't always have to stand alone, doing everything for ourselves... that's quite a harsh outlook. Don't worry... lean on us whilst you need to, and maybe when you feel a bit stronger you can lend someone else some support.
  7. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Shauna, please stay safe. You don't need to be on your own and you shouldn't feel bad and you shouldn't feel weak or anything of the sort because you find SF a help to you. Not at all, that is what this site is here for. You're a lovely person, and I wish there was something I could do to help you, I'm more than willing to be here for you at anytime and I do care about you. Please stick around, draw strength from us, we can draw strength from each other. :hug:
  8. Sakura

    Sakura Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your very kind and wonderful posts...but I don't think that you all quite get it...

    When I came back to SF recently, I was already at the end of my rope...and I was desperate for anything...anyone...to somehow be able to help me fight back against the dark and deadly thoughts, that occupy my mind nearly every single minute, of every single day. And as I mentioned before, I did get that...at least for a little while...

    But there's nothing left for me...I wish that I could explain, but it's all so long, and complicated, and I've examined everything from all angles, and I really...truly...honestly...don't see any way out of the mess that has become my life, other than to just end it...
  9. Sakura

    Sakura Well-Known Member

    *Grips head and curls into a small ball*

    I feel like I'm going out of my mind...I can't get the pain or the thoughts to stop...oh god...I can't take it anymore...I just want it all to end...I just want to die...I need to just make myself die...
  10. Nima

    Nima Well-Known Member

    We're here to help you through your circumstance don't think you're bugging we're helping you and we don't mind doing that. If its going to spare someone else's life I'm all up for helping the person in their time of need
  11. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    Nima's right and you know it Shauna :hug:
  12. Sakura

    Sakura Well-Known Member

    Okay...thanks everyone...I'll try...
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