1. Kalicka

    Kalicka Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this. If it's not please let me know.

    I don't know who I am anymore. For the last 16 years I've thought of myself only in the context of a alcoholic, drug addict, and lesbian. I abandoned all hopes and dreams of the past simply survive day to day in the context of those things. At some point, who I am got lost in the mix of things. I became whoever you wanted me to be, silently disappearing from existence. My social issues increasingly became a problem and I pushed everyone out of my life. Now I find myself clean and sober and questioning my lesbian card. I've got no hobbies, a few friends who I interact with on a very limited basis and that's my life.

    I go to work and the gym. I know what my ex likes to do, but I have no idea what I like to do. I have no idea who I am or where I am going. What is my motivation for living? I DON'T KNOW!

    I have no motivation to do anything today. I'm not feeling well, already had 2 seizures, and on the verge of saying screw it all. Quit the job, quit the gym, and ignore everyone. There are many things I need to be doing, but instead I'm stuck here wondering who I am, and if that person is worth all the effort.

    What if I'm nothing but a bad selfish person? What if I can never live up to the expectations of others? What if I'm not a good employee, good weight lifter? What if I'm nothing but a disappointment? How do I figure out who I am?

    I'm frustrated, tried, and I don't even know where I'm going with this. I'll stop typing now.
  2. Daíthí

    Daíthí Chat Pro SF Supporter

    The thing is Kali, from what little I've seen of you. I see someone who deserves some love and self-worth. It's up to you to decide who you want to be, and we're here to help you find out. You just have to reach out and trust us, as hard as it is. As hard as it is to go on, we care and we want to see you well. So when you're ready to start on that path. Know that we're here for you.
  3. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Doubt is a heavy burden, it forces the questioning of everything. It can paralyze, leaving you stuck unable to decide. But it can also allow for contemplation before reaching conclusions and perhaps lead to a more balanced understanding. A crisis of self is difficult and I hope you can be kind to yourself as you struggle to find your answers.
    Tom 57 likes this.