So I have these dreams and daydreams where I am involved in a major accident with my car. I get really hurt and someone has to come rescue me like firefighters and EMT's. I wonder if that is like me dreaming that someone is going to come help me out of my mess of a life and the only way it happens is if I get really hurt. Part of me wishes that it would just happen. Push my self off a cliff get really hurt oh I could go on and on. Name numerous way of getting really hurt but not dead. Part of myself wants to just be dead and realizes that this life really isn't for me. I never see myself die in these dreams but boy sometimes... I really wish I would just die. Maybe I just want someone to care about me.... I sure don't get love and care from my family everyone pushes me away and makes me wish I was dead. Really all my family pushes me away. I want to get away from here but I can't this all just goes downhill from here.... *sigh* No wonder why I feel the way I do. Care who cares.... here I go again I so want to cut but I am so self conscious I want to wear tank tops during the summer the previous cut scars look horrible... I know that if I cut everyone is going to ask... how do I deal... If i don't cut it just sits and festers... does anyone know what I am talking about or going thru??? Sigh
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