Who cares?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by evilperson, Oct 3, 2009.

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  1. evilperson

    evilperson Well-Known Member

    Really, I am going to do it. Who cares? Really. A couple of people I can't see over the big wide world web? That's it?

    Well that sucks. I'm just picturing my funeral right now. It will consist of my son (yes, I know, I am selfish, blablablablabla), and my parents. That's it. That's all. No more. Null. Nobody else.

    You know, I fought for a long time, and I even beat the darkness. But now that I beat it - so what? Who cares? Where to now?

    No friends - everybody hates me. Three weeks ago I got attacked because of my ethnicity, he tried to rape me, I fought him off. It was a hate crime. I have never felt racist in my life but I felt racist right then and there - and you know what. None of my friends are talking to me anymore because - get this - an HOUR after the attack I stated on facebook (after saying I was attacked) that I hate everybody of that nationality. Obviously I don't and I calmed down after that, but apparently it's impossible to understand within humanity that hating a certain race after being attacked on racial grounds is probably a normal reaction. Nope - not one single person has supported me through it.

    Not even my f&cking mother - who saw the bit where I fought him off.
    Nope, not even her.

    Who cares? Nobody loves me. NOBODY. Nobody cares.

    You know, I can't wait to do it. I'm sick of being humiliated and insulted because of my marital status in this country, I'm sick of people and society and their stupid rules and I think religion is a scam now. Who cares?

    I can't wait to do it. Yes I will miss my son and I don't think he will ever forget or forgive me. Sorry, son, but you don't want a mother like me. What am I going to teach you? How to bear every day even though you want to die? It's better if you're around people who smile once in a while, people who aren't as weak as me.

    As for me - I'm going. Goodbye. Ciao. Auf Wiedersehen. That's it.
  2. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I care.

    We all care.

    Yes, we're all internet users who you'll likely never meet face to face but we are real and we do care. I know life sucks for you this days, I know how much you wanna end it all because nothing seems worth staying, but please be strong, you can't be unlucky forever, someday will be your lucky day and you'll find your reason to stay. You just have to be strong enough to live till that day comes.

    I hope you can fidn the strengh in yourself to keep going. PM me anytime if you feel like talking, I'll be there for you.
  3. Andy73

    Andy73 Active Member

    there are people who care about you and that understand what you are saying even though it is through a forum you are still supported and if there is nothing left maybe you could start to think about your son and the times you shared with him and what would you like for him in the future as you maybe need to sleep it off and see how you feel later when you wake up before doing an attempt as it's easier to do an attempt and harm yourself when you are angry so i would surgest steping back from the situation for awhile if thats any help to you and i hope you don't find this offensive as i don't mean it to be
  4. lost81

    lost81 Staff Alumni

    I care also. Just because you can't see us in person doesn't mean we are not here for you
  5. evilperson

    evilperson Well-Known Member

    Thanks. Mum is talking to me so it's helping.

    Thank you. I'm feeling better. Forward, on!
  6. Zoe

    Zoe Well-Known Member

    Blimey that was a quick change in one hour.

    I'm not taking the piss, glad you're feeling better :)
  7. evilperson

    evilperson Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I am a very impulsive person zori.

    Don't get me wrong, it still hurts that I don't have any real friends. But it's good that there was at least one person to listen to me.

    I've decided one thing for myself - keep on moving forward. I'm going to spend as little time on the internet as possible, and as much focusing on my career (I already focus a lot on family) so that I feel more like myself again. I kind of have an internet addiction, I go on there to seek some relief from pain and love, and all it is is void, and I end up wasting all this energy on internet that just exhausts me, don't sleep enough, and then get more depressed.

    Also have made a pact that I'll sleep enough:biggrin:. Gotta do something. I'm holding out, holding on, hoping for a better day.

    It really means a lot that people have replied to me.

    Also Andy you are so right, sleeping it off makes it so much better sometimes. Just leaving it that little bit longer kind of makes you feel better..

    Hugs to everybody that supported me yesterday.
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