Who Cares?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Gone Done It, Dec 13, 2010.

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  1. Gone Done It

    Gone Done It New Member

    I was looking for a place to vent, I found this place.

    I'm making this post without having read a single other thread here, which I feel makes me selfish. Take a look at all these threads of people upset; it's hard to see them as people just like you, it's hard to care. So it is hypocritical of me to post here.

    Having said that, I want no sympathy. I've made all my own mistakes and deserve to deal with them.

    23 years old. In high school social services took me from home, I was expected to stay back, out of anger I drop out.

    I've always looked young, doctors said I was a late bloomer but in HS I literally looked 12.. this led to many problems... I still look young and have trouble gaining weight.

    Never had a girlfriend...

    My father died right around the time social services allowed me to move back in with my abusive mother. My father left me 60k. I blew it all on a vacation to Hawaii, drugs booze and hookers....

    I came home with a bit left, bought a piece of shit car and found a part time job... long story short I'm broke, uninsured, facing homelessness, my teeth are so bad I cannot smile, chew, or laugh in public... I cannot sleep in many positions because of the devastating tooth pain...

    My skin is poor to boot...

    I have no family, a mom who is homeless whom I despise for not taking care of me and a younger sister who I love dearly. She is an honor student in college. While I fucked up she did everything right.

    You see, social services gave us both an option in HS - either find a friends family willing to take care of you or we'll find one for you. I had too much pride to bother a friend, she was smart and did so only to end up staying in HS and receiving state money for college.

    To live is to be a burden on my sister. To die means devastating her.

    I feel up against the wall....
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    where are you? i'm guessing the states, because it seems you don't have dental/medical care.

    I think you might be eligible for medicaid

    your mom probably has some messed up history which is part of why she is the way she is. it's still not ok

    you say you made a mistake the last time by not asking a friend for help. maybe it would be better to just lean on what support you have (your sister) than to worry too much about being a burden.

    you might be able to get into a ged program

    was your dad good to you?
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