Who honestly cares?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ASkylitDrive, Mar 18, 2010.

  1. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    Its kind of like a broken circuit
    I try to talk to everyone, make sure they are okay. I take care of my friends at school and on here. I care for my family and watch over them as much as I can. My life is devoted to helping others.
    Then there are moments when I feel down, or want to do bad things.
    No one honestly just sits down and talk with me. They just say 'Get help" or "I'm sorry"
    Then there are people who provoke it. I told my friend I self harmed and he offered to buy me an object I could use...like it was OKAY that I was doing this

    I'm not doing this to get attention, because to be honest no one even reads my threads.
    But I know very few people who help, rather than just saying the common phrases so they don't look bad.
    I may be wrong Idk, but its starting to hurt really bad.
    I feel outcasted, shunned down.
    By just about everyone.
     
  2. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    See?
    I could be ranting about killing myself..and no one would notice I'm even gone
    Do I need to rant about triggering things? being abused maybe?
    Maybe I'm just not damaged enough...but its not like any of you know my story.
    But whatever
    I get it
    Some people don't deserve the help.
    I guess I'm on that list.
     
  3. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    This makes you angry doesn't it, it sucks to feel like no one gives a shit. I dont know you, but I am reading what you write and hear your pain, I wish there was something i could do, but really all i can offer is words, and to let you know that I am listening.
     
  4. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    Well its nice to know someone is listening.. thank you swimmer
    I just am so lost...
    I try and try to help people,a nd sometimes risk my own calmness when they don't comply.
    and now I'm realizing no one wants to help

    I just figured out I have Borderline Personality Disorder
    and as much as i need people right now...no one is around.
     
  5. Darc

    Darc Well-Known Member

    That's not true.
    I know that there are a lot of people on this forum and I know that there is a lot of pain on here that goes unnoticed, but that's not because anyone doesn't deserve help. No one deserves to suffer....no matter if they've been through a trauma or have comparatively 'petty' problems...you deserve every help you could get, and way more than that...I don't know how to make you understand that the people who care can't be everywhere, because I know how it feels to rip yourself apart halfway to just type something to try and reach out for help - just to be ignored...I also think, with every post I make that goes unnoticed, 'yeah, I get the hint, I'm useless, not wanted here, no one cares....okay, I'm off'....but it might not be true....you know some people might actually read your every post and hope you'll make it, and just don't know how to approach you or what to say to make you feel better...
    ...just what I think. I'm here. I care. But I guess I'm no help, either. Sorry.
    Just please don't ever think you don't deserve help...that's big bullshit.
     
  6. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

  7. Darc

    Darc Well-Known Member

    sorry for what?
     
  8. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    I'm just a fucking nuisence
    It doesn't matter though.
    I'll just stop posting. Stop talking
    Only you and Swimmer would notice..but you guys have your own issues to take care of
    and I wish you both well on those
     
  9. Darc

    Darc Well-Known Member

    Please don't do that...it doesn't make anything better...believe me, I tried. If you feel alone now, with me and swimmer here in the forum, with the chat, you'll feel like the only person in the world if you stop talking here...please don't throw that away...I also thought pushing everyone and everything away and just making a run for it and shut up would make things better...but it hurts like hell...once I shut everything out, I feel lonely and uncared for with a finality that drives me insane...I don't want you to feel that way, too....please keep talking. You're not a nuisance...you've been a big help on the forum and obviously not only here...if people don't notice now, they'll be all the more shocked when you're gone...because that's what we do, we only realize how precious things were when we lost them...it's so screwed up...
     
  10. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    Well I mean I barely talk to people as it is
    I tried to be social with people in Main Chat, and I felt so outcasted.
    And everytime I start talking to someone..I get annoyed or upset or angry.
    Its clear I'm not meant to be outgoing.
    I don't mind being alone..I've sat in a dark closet for a whole day and didn't mind it at all.
    Maybe its what I need.
    Well I know for sure I'm quitting SF, I'll probably only talk to the three friends I have on MSN.
    They sometimes care
     
  11. Darc

    Darc Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean...I can't socialize with people at all...but being alone all the time makes for emptiness...as for the Main Chat....same problem...I always wonder if there is a certain crew meeting there every day forging inside jokes...I always feel useless and rejected if I try to talk in the chats...but, thinking rationally, I'm sure no one means to outcast you or anyone...but if you feel like a break from SF is what you need...well, you're welcome back any time...and as I said before, you can pm me whenever you want...just please try to hang on, okay? I'll think of you...hope you'll get better soon....just give yourself time...you might still find a lot of enjoyment in the little moments. If you decide to leave, I still hope I'll hear from you soon.
     
  12. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    I don't think I'm coming back
    I've been thinking about levaing for a while
    After a good friend of mine told me all I did was trigger people.
    Maybe thats why no one helps
    I'm dangerous.
    All I do is upset people.
     
  13. Darc

    Darc Well-Known Member

    I can't say anything against you leaving, as much as I want to, since that'd be hypocritical of me...for your friend however...I'm not judgemental...but I don't agree with him...I'm not here for long, but what I have read of your posts didn't seem triggering to me in the least...and I get triggered easily...all you did was reach out for help like everyone else, or try to help, with a lot more care than many other people on here. I guess you won't believe me over your friend, but....that's my sincere opinion...if you leave, then please don't do it because you think you did anything wrong on here....that's not true....there's at least a handful of people who will miss you and your posts here.
     
  14. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    It wasn't my posts.
    Someone was being rude and upset me..so a couple people got onto that person about it
    Then HE got upset and suicidal
    and everyone blamed it one me.
    See? I'm a danger
     
  15. Darc

    Darc Well-Known Member

    That's a sucky situation...that is kind of inevitable in a forum full of hypersensitive and suicidal people...I've seen conversations like that in the chat several times....sometimes you just never know what's the right thing, treat people like a raw egg or be fair and point it out to them when they're rude to someone? At any rate, it wasn't your fault...stuff like that leaves you feeling shitty and guilty, I know, but no one can seriously be blamed for that...did the people involved distinctly told you that they thought you were at fault? Because if they did, that would just show that they weren't able to handle the situation and tried to get their own conscience clean by putting all the responsibility on you...which is neither true, nor fair, but something anxious people tend to do.
     
  16. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    The kid that said I triggered everyone did
    And the guy that upset me was just hinting it, basically repeating himself over and over about how upset and suicidal he gotten.





    I'm done
    I give up
     
  17. Darc

    Darc Well-Known Member

    But why give up now?
    Why not hang on just a bit longer, try to relax for just a minute, do something good for yourself...music, good food, something that can make you feel better for just a little while is already worth the effort...
    I don't know what that kid who blamed you is thinking or what troubles he has, but goin' around and telling you such practical bull as what he did, makes me angry and you upset. It's not right. And it's not true. Please don't give up or think any less of yourself because some kid doesn't know how to release their frustration and someone just happened to have a suicidal moment with you around to randomly put the blame on.