Who is right? Who is wrong?

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by angelicgoddessofdeath, Oct 20, 2013.

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  1. angelicgoddessofdeath

    angelicgoddessofdeath Active Member

    I'm not sure where I was suppose to post this. I'm sorry if this isn't the correct place.

    I have been dating this guy for 2 years. I love him dearly but I want to be able to let him go. He demands sex out of me everyday. Several times he will tease me still wanting sex. Everytime I say no.
    He tries to either get me <edit mod total eclipse triggering>

    He tells me it's my fault that he is a virgin. I don't think it's my fault. I think it's his fault he is trying to force sex upon me. And he even attempts to guilt trip me by saying "every couple has sex. That's what couples do. By not having sex with me you are saying that we are friends. Just friends because friends don't have sex with each other. Couples do. Are you my girlfriend or my GIRL---friend?" It doesn't work. I just tell him to piss off.

    I just want to know... is he in the wrong or am I in the wrong? Just think about that for a moment. Do couples really bang each? Is that really needed in a relationship? Just imagine wanting to have sex yet your partner refuses to have sex with you. Would that make you feel horrible or are you okay with living a sexless life until the two of you gets married? I wonder at this point if I'm getting bf/gf mixed up with friends w/ benefits. Is he really my boyfriend or am I his booty call? I thought he loved me but I don't know anymore. He is starting to become just like all the other scum I seem to attract.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 22, 2013
  2. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    You are NOT in the wrong. By the sounds of it, he is in the wrong, yes couples do have sex, but that does not mean that every relationship is based around sex, and if thats all he's interested in, then you could do much better than him.
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    In the first instance, I don't know how old you are and honestly, that has bearing. Assuming you are both adults, then yes it is more usual for couples to have sex than not. Having sex with your bf does not make you his 'booty call' any more than having sex with your husband would. The pertinent point here is not what is normal or what other people are doing - it is what you feel comfortable with.

    He is not wrong to want sex (again - assuming you are adults) he is wrong to put pressure on you to have sex if you do not want to. It IS wrong, is that he touches you in ways you have asked him not to and made clear you are not okay with. That is sexual assault and is illegal. He should respect your decision to wait until marriage if that is what you have decided. That said, if sex is important to him (and that does not make him a bad person - sex is an important aspect of a relationship to many people) you may have to accept that your priorities and values do not align and call it a day.

    I am glad you are strong enough to say no and mean it if that is what you want. I do not believe anyone is in the wrong necessarily with regards to whether the lack of sex diminishes your relationship - simply you have different priorities and needs. You ask people to comment whether they would feel horrible if their bf/gf refused to have sex with them. Speaking for myself, yes I would. It is important to me, but that is MY decision and MY priority - if my bf did not want to have sex with me it would be up to me to decide whether I accept that or whether I leave the relationship. it is NOT an option to try to change that person's decision about their own body.
  4. ronnymarie

    ronnymarie Guest

    He is wrong. It's your body, and your right to decide whether or not you want to have sex. And the fact that he is trying to not only verbally, but physically, coerce you into doing something you don't want is repulsive. Dump his ass now. He's not a friend or boyfriend, neither would try to force you into something you don't want.
  5. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    He's wrong on so many levels, I'm glad you have the courage to say No to him. When I dated my abusive ex boyfriend I always ended up giving into him and gave him what he wanted cause I didn't want to hear him name call me... and even during sex was even more saddening cause I felt as if I was just a toy to him. Right now I'm away from my ex boyfriend and I'm very happy that I got away. Get rid of him now, someone that truly loves you won't try to force you into sex or talk to you that way.
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