Who is "us"??? His family or me?????

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by stuckinchicago6, Jun 22, 2011.

  1. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    My husband is having problems within his family. Issues with money and inheritance because of his father's decision to remarry. As somebody who has had family problems, I relate to my husband and I can understand that he is going though a difficult time. However, all he does it talk about "us", referring to him and his siblings. He says this as if they are all still children, rather than adults. What about me????? His wife????? Today was one of the first days he decided to talk to me about it. I am really starting to get annoyed because he puts all of his energy into problems with his family and shows little seriousness to our relationship. I feel so alone. I have told him about the problem I have when he constantly talks about "us" as being him and his siblings, but he doesn't seem to understand. For the love of God, I have only been married 6 months. Shouldn't he be concerned about starting a new life and us going in the right direction?? Since this started happening, he barely talks to me anymore. I never do this to him, no matter how chaotic my life may be.
    My father remarried, bought a new house for his new family, and I had to deal with it. Sh*t just happens in life. However, I was so happy that now I have a new life. I thought being married would be a breath of fresh air, in that I would always have somebody on my side. I do this for him. I listen to him and I give advice, but when I talk about my problems, he dismisses them or acts like I'm crazy. Today, when I suggest that he is an adult now and maybe should focus a little more attention on his new life, he couldn't even comprehend me.
     
  2. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    It seems like Your husband is still having trouble accepting his change from son/brother too husband/son/brother. But with time and support he can still work through that transition. I think that you should continue to express your desire for him to expand on his family role, and continue to express your desire for support without overloading him with information. You might be ready for a devoted marriage but that doesn't mean he is ready for the same level of devotion at this moment. Stay strong, and keep on doing your best for both of you. Good luck.
     
  3. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Thanks a lot. I think this is very difficult for him to transition, especially in since so much of his identity is formed around his family. He works with them too. They have been his family his entire life and then I come around. I guess it is hard for me because I was 100 percent ready for a transition and I welcomed it. I really don't know how to talk with him without upsetting him or coming off as confrontational. His family is also so demanding on him. His younger sister screams and yells at him to drive her places. I feel she does it on purpose because I'm around and she doesn't do it to her other brothers.
    Sometimes when I'm alone, I feel like screaming and yelling too.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry your new husband is not seemingly listening t well to you. Keep expressing your concerns but i feel some distance is needed from his family for him to get adjusted to his new life. Is there anyway you can take a short trip together even for a weekend to get his mind on you I hope in time he does let go of his ties more hugs