L
who really cares?....... not me!!
I'm just venting, Dont EXPECT anyone to reply, dont WANT anyone to reply, dont NEED anyone to reply!! this is purely for my own benefit, just to clarify my own thoughts, to get it down in writing. Sort of like the final stage if you know what i mean? Probably not, my head is a mess!
What the hell is happening to me? I really really dont know myself anymore.
My every waking thought is about suicide and i mean EVERY waking thought. It doesnt seem to be in my control anymore, I mean I cant help myself, whether I want to die or not isnt in my control anymore, I just KNOW its gonna happen soon!! I dont know if anyone can understand this or if i truly am losing it. Its not so much that i want to die anymore its more like i HAVE to die. I cant stop myself:blub:
I only got out of the hospital again last night after taking a lot of tablets, what makes me sick is that it was almost automatic! I didnt mean to do it! I just couldnt help myself:ohmy: While I was there I saw the crisis team, they said i was very vulnerable whatever thats supposed to mean!! One of the team is coming to my home today to see me at 4pm, dont think i can wait that long to be honest. I have a huge stash here and i am trying very hard not to take the lot and i mean everything i have in the house in one go! Why? Why? Why? God, I'm a complete nut job!! What is happening to me?
Anyway i got home from the hospital last night and straight away it started again. I asked my youngest daughter to make me a cup of tea and, she said NO, straight out just like that! I asked my son to go to the shop and, he said NO, straight out just like that! My eldest daughter went up to her room as soon as i got home and didnt come down again til she was going out. Then she just went straight back up to her room again without a word. Not one of them has asked me if i am ok! Why am i here? no reason i can see, I am surplus to requirements. Add to it the fact that one of them took £10 out of my purse last night. It's just too much, I cant cope. This is just all CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!
Sod it, i'm just gonna take em, at least if i do it i cant think about doing it anymore, I dont want to think about doing it anymore, I'm sick and tired of my own thoughts. I need to stop them. Just ignore my rantings, this is just something i gotta sort out on my own. I gotta go...........................
I'm just venting, Dont EXPECT anyone to reply, dont WANT anyone to reply, dont NEED anyone to reply!! this is purely for my own benefit, just to clarify my own thoughts, to get it down in writing. Sort of like the final stage if you know what i mean? Probably not, my head is a mess!
What the hell is happening to me? I really really dont know myself anymore.
My every waking thought is about suicide and i mean EVERY waking thought. It doesnt seem to be in my control anymore, I mean I cant help myself, whether I want to die or not isnt in my control anymore, I just KNOW its gonna happen soon!! I dont know if anyone can understand this or if i truly am losing it. Its not so much that i want to die anymore its more like i HAVE to die. I cant stop myself:blub:
I only got out of the hospital again last night after taking a lot of tablets, what makes me sick is that it was almost automatic! I didnt mean to do it! I just couldnt help myself:ohmy: While I was there I saw the crisis team, they said i was very vulnerable whatever thats supposed to mean!! One of the team is coming to my home today to see me at 4pm, dont think i can wait that long to be honest. I have a huge stash here and i am trying very hard not to take the lot and i mean everything i have in the house in one go! Why? Why? Why? God, I'm a complete nut job!! What is happening to me?
Anyway i got home from the hospital last night and straight away it started again. I asked my youngest daughter to make me a cup of tea and, she said NO, straight out just like that! I asked my son to go to the shop and, he said NO, straight out just like that! My eldest daughter went up to her room as soon as i got home and didnt come down again til she was going out. Then she just went straight back up to her room again without a word. Not one of them has asked me if i am ok! Why am i here? no reason i can see, I am surplus to requirements. Add to it the fact that one of them took £10 out of my purse last night. It's just too much, I cant cope. This is just all CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!
Sod it, i'm just gonna take em, at least if i do it i cant think about doing it anymore, I dont want to think about doing it anymore, I'm sick and tired of my own thoughts. I need to stop them. Just ignore my rantings, this is just something i gotta sort out on my own. I gotta go...........................
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