Who the hell am I kidding?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ryanglander, Jan 14, 2010.

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  1. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    I can't do this. The reason I'm so unhappy is because I have conflicting ideas. These ideas do not depend on my mood, they are constant.

    How are they resolved?
    Suicide.

    Why don't I do it?
    I'm afraid to die.

    I'm seeing a psych NP and I'm hoping to get some more meds that I will combine with other things to help me ease anxiety for when I do it. I now officially have the house to myself during the day (excluding weekends).

    And I want to experiment with drugs to see the best combo to ease anxiety, so I'm going to wait till at least Wednesday to do it. I want to die on a Tuesday though, my dad died on a Tuesday. Mabye I will do it the day he died, he died one year this February. No, it doesn't matter, any day.

    The fact is people die and theres nothing that stop it. Injustice happens, and nothing can be done sometimes. I have done my share here and I have decided in a calm, rational, state of mind that myself, and society will be a better off with myself dead.

    :sad:
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Nobody would be better off with you gone. I really hope you don't go through with it.
     
  3. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    There are certain people they will be better off with me gone, and society will be too.
     
  4. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    ryan, you know how to prevent your life. these are your options from your other threads:



    i think you need to trust yourself that you can overcome these suicidal thoughts. you have map and you just need to follow it. ryan, we are here to stop you from killing yourself but after we stop you. you still have suicidal thoughts, no one can erase or control your thoughts but yourself. i hope you see the point.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Nothing rational about suicide no distorted thougths dam depression taking over big time. Your DAD would not want this he is still with you really he wants you to be happy please know you will be missed here and you do have so much to give. I hope you get some real help for your depression as it is treatable talking truly helps so keep talking here okay were listening.
     
  6. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    My struggle lies in that there is no reason to stop suicide in the first place. The other thread made the assumption I want to get my life to better and live, and thats simply not true.

    Thanks anyway...
     
  7. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    Remember your other thread? Go read it, again and again and again.

    Yes, people die, but they shouldn't die by suicide. People will miss you, they would rather you be alive. Don't experiement with drugs, you never know what might happen.
     
  8. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    Depression is only the mask of my real problems. After all, depression most of the time is caused by something other then some mysterious biologically started chemical imbalance.
     
  9. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    I'm careful with the drugs I use, I make sure there are no potentially fatal drug interactions. (Of course of they were really fatal I could just kill myself with the drugs!)
     
  10. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    Don't make them fatal. I'm sure things will get better. What exactly set this all off?
     
  11. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    Lack of sleep.
     
  12. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    Well then you really need to get some sleep.
     
  13. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    I know. That won't make any of these problems go away though.
     
  14. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    I understand, but it might help some. Maybe you should tell your psych about this?
     
  15. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    Yes, sleep will make my mood feel better then it is now. I lost sleep because I had to wake up about 3-4 hours earlier then I normally would
     
  16. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    Alright. What time is it where you are now?
     
  17. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I hope you can get some sleep. I know, at least for me, lack of sleep can completely change my mood.
     
  18. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    Its 12am where I am at, I don't have to wake up till 10:30am, so I will get more sleep then I did last night. I would take a benzo for sleep but I want to conserve my supply until I know that I will get more. (I have left 15/60mg left from the past 12 months of ativan)
     
  19. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Glad you'll be able to get more sleep!! I wish I didn't have to get up until 10-30 AM. I have a dog, and by 7 in the morning she's whining in my face, wanting to be taken out in the cold and snow.
     
  20. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    Well then you should go to bed soon. Oh, alright, just don't save it for anything other than sleeping, where you know you'll wake up in the morning.
     
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