Who the hell am I kidding.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by MadeOfGlass, Oct 19, 2010.

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  1. MadeOfGlass

    MadeOfGlass Well-Known Member

    Everything she says about me is true. No matter how I try and convince myself otherwise.

    She yells at me and tells me I'm mean and manipulative and horrible to her.

    I am.

    But I'm only returning the favor.

    That doesn't make it right though.

    She also says I'm trying to make her and Dad fight and ruin their marriage.

    I don't mean to do that.

    I'm as horrible as she says she is.

    I hate me.

    I don't deserve to live.

    I hate her for making me feel and think like this. :cry:
  2. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Sarah :hug:

    It isn't right for your mum to treat you this way. I know we've spoken about this enstensively and you are a bit stuck in your options right now.

    But please know that you do deserve to live and you are far from horrible. I know you can't see that right now, but try to trust me.

    I care for you a great deal and i'm always here for you.

    :hug: from Patrick and I :)
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    it sounds like your mom has been giving you a lot of negative messages for a while. it's easy to internalize these messages, especially if you have been getting them all of your life. your mom probably feels bad about herself, so she reacts to feeling that way about herself by attacking you.

    i think that firing back at her is ok to do, and might even be healthy to some degree. i guess the best thing would be for everyone to go to family counciling and try to work things out, but firing back is a lot better than just letting her drag you down, i think.

    i think your mom is the one that has principle responsibility here. it would be nice if parents were always good and responsible parents, but i guess that's just not the way things work.

    please don't say bad things about yourself. sounds to me like you are just trying to cope with very difficult circumstances.

    it's possible to have a postive self-image that comes from your own internal evaluation rather than from the external messages you get.
  4. Enigmatic Ed

    Enigmatic Ed Well-Known Member

    its hard to understand peoples motivation for their actions sometimes, so I dont bother. let them say whatever, it doesnt matter what they think. you are the centre of the universe and everyone else is just cosmic dust attracted to you by gravity. fuck em. forget them and concentrate on you. if it makes you feel better I am the worst kind of person but only in my head. I, like you (I hope) are not a smack or crack dealer, have never murdered or raped or want to be a detrimental effect on anyone, so yay your not a scumbag and not on the bottom rung of the ladder, and past that stage the ladder aint that high. stick with it. I also hate myself but the world without me in it would not be worth living in so I guess I have no choice but carry on, join me.
  5. BrokenSpirit

    BrokenSpirit Active Member

    I know how it feels hun, my step dad blamed me for his failed marriage, made certain to tell me every day for 15 years that I wouldn't amount to anything and then, to top it off he told me I was concieved of rape (which turned out to be true) and that I was a horrible atrocity committed against my mother. I never should have been.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: Sarah. You don't deserve to die, please don't believe that. However hard it may be , do your best to ignore her and those thoughts, you're not alone. :hug:
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