who to stop for

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by clare, Jan 29, 2009.

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  1. clare

    clare Active Member

    hi im new at this. i was wondering if it's entirely possible to stop SH for someone else even if you dont feel you can cope without it. i only ask because my boyfriend found out i was doin SH and begged me to stop, i dont feel im emotinally stable enough to cope without it.
    iv tried some of the methods to stop like the elastic band round the wirst and didnt find it all that helpful.
    was just looking for some input from members who have stopped SH or from those in the process of stopping.
    thanks, clarex
  2. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    i think that with anything that when you feel ready to stop, or calm down, then thats the time. not when anyone else has their say. i think the pressure actually makes things worse.

    btw.. welcome x
  3. kayla19

    kayla19 Well-Known Member

    i think that SH can be really scary for people that don't understand it. i was with someone once that told me if i ever SHed again, he would break up with me. i didn't want to lose him so of course i said ok i'll stop. but i couldn't, i just hid it better.

    i think that it can be hard, if not impossible, to make changes for somebody else if you're not ready or willing to make the changes. and maybe it will last for a little while, but i think motivation for long-term changes has to come from within and not from somebody else.

    ...if that makes sense.
  4. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Hiya Clare, sorry, I know nothing about SH but others here do :)

    Just wanted to say :welcome: to sf

    Lea :hug:
  5. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    If you want something badly enough, you will do anything to get it. So yes, it is possible to stop, however it's easier said then done.

    You have to give up when you feel like you are ready, and you have the strength, because it's a hard challenge. I stopped for my BF and i'm doing ok, so it can be done, just take it one step at a time.

  6. rojomi

    rojomi Banned Member

    Nobody gives a flying fart, so I smoke em if I got em. Speaking of, does anyone know anyone who-never mind.
  7. clare

    clare Active Member

    thank you for the replies. i do want to stop because somewhere in my mind i know SH is wrong. iknow people who dont do it dont really understand the reasoning even if they say they do. im just wondering if theres any othjer form of release that will give the same feeling. i've honestly tried to top i've given my boyfriend my blades twice now, yet as soon as he goes home i get more. i just dont know what to do for the best. i see the scars all over me and wish i had never started.
  8. porcelain child

    porcelain child Well-Known Member

    Have you got any support around that can help you stop?
  9. clare

    clare Active Member

    not really. my boyfriend tries but he doesnt really understand. i love that he tries to understand but cant really talk to him bout it cos i know he gets mad at mefor doin it even tho he wont admit that
  10. ~sal~

    ~sal~ Member

    i have friends that support me and i wanna quit for them but when i slip up tbh it makes me feel worse cos i've let them down
  11. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    i have tried stopping too.
    its hard, and i wouldnt suggest quiting cold turkey.

    my boyfriend also wants me to stop for him
    i love him dearly, but sometimes i find more comfort
    in the sharp edge than i do when im talking to him about a problem.

    i explained to him how i feel when i do it.
    why i do it.
    i think really that's the first big step.
    try doing that, if he loves you hell accept you for it.

    i also go to therapy for it.
    i think that it helps a lot.

    also, i take small steps at a time.
    i dont cut deep, i cut a lot.
    so what my boyfriend told me is that
    the next time i wanna cut, instead
    of cutting 20x, cut 15. everytime
    that i cut, im to do it 5 times less than i did

    hopefully that helps.

    i think we have a lot in common.

    please dont be afraid to message me :hug:
  12. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    The anser is:

  13. Locket

    Locket Well-Known Member

    i did stop cutting for an ex once.
    he used to cry every time i did it and eventually wouldn't leave me alone just in case i hurt myself.
    though he didn't know that i SH through other methods as well which are harder to detect, so it was easier for me, with them to fall back on, even though it was still really hard.
    i think the thing is that you should really stop for yourself. but maybe thinking about what your boyfriend is saying - realising that it'd be good for you and so doing it for you, but with his support - might be the best way of thinking about it.
    good luck hun
  14. clare

    clare Active Member

    i know the best person to stop for is me. i just feel so guilty that when i hurt myself i hurt him too. i did well at the beginning of the relationship, he knew i had cut before but i convinced him i had stopped and i had. four months down the line im finding things are getting on top of me again and a few nights ago i cut for the first time in months. he found out and was so disappointed.
    even when i wasnt cutting i still needed a blade in the house just so i knew it was there if i needed it. hes now taken them away and im not sure this will help me
  15. Locket

    Locket Well-Known Member

    i know it seems really hard and feeling as if you don't have that safety net to fall back on (having the blades just in case), but he thinks he's doing the right thing. maybe you should talk to him about it... say that it won't happen over night, and just abstaining from it doesn't necessarily work. tell him you feel better if you have your blades where you know where they are and that having them there makes it easier to say no to it overall.
    let him know how you feel hun.. i'm sure he'll be willing to help x
  16. clare

    clare Active Member

    thanks locket. what you're sayin really seems to make sense. im gonna try to talk to him when i can plauck up the courage to, (maybe by having a few drinks). doubt he will want me to have the blades back but im gonna try to make him understand why i need them around.
    i've not been too bad the past few days cos hes been around alot, just hope that i can manage to be fine wen im on my own.
  17. Locket

    Locket Well-Known Member

    no problem hun. talking to him sounds like a good idea, and if he cares about you then he should understand - though you should know he'll be worried so just try to reassure him.
    there are a lot of different distraction methods you can use, and if you're having bad urges you can always PM me or another member of the forum. :heart:
    good luck hun x
  18. clare

    clare Active Member

    what distraction methods really work?
  19. Locket

    Locket Well-Known Member

    the ones that work for me are generally just talking to people... having people around... music is a good one. if you have music on (upbeat music - no matter how much you don't feel in the mood) and something to occupy your hands.
    if all else fails, have a bath :smile:
    hope things are going well x
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