who was my ex gf?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by plates, Feb 19, 2010.

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  1. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i was with her for 7 years. she sexually molested me the first two. i'm a woman btw. she actually said she raped me but i can remember actually soothing her, i was so fucking unwell and saying it didn't matter. there was also emotional, financial shit going on that i dont' want to go there because it's too much to process at the moment. i didn't know cos i've been severely dissociated a lot of my life and living in half death for 7 yrs with her.

    i broke up with her last february because i was processing the first two years and wanted to talk about what had happened- i was healing. she didn't and wanted to "get on with her life," and viewed me as a liability an obstacle in her career and Goals. it was decided she was to fuck off and go ahead. i was very ill recovering with anorexia at the time, she showed little concern, and when i broke off with her, my recovery accelerated, showing what effect she had on my life.

    when i told her verbally in jan 09, i want to leave you she said
    "she'll think about it." she also muttered, before this, "how long will that last?"

    in feb 09, when i asked her in a phone call, after a month of no contact from myself, what kinda gf would say when her gf wanted to break up with her "i'll think about it," she said "i didn't say that." i blew up at her and told her to not contact me again.

    i have had no contact for a year, because the relationship ended with that phone call in feb 09.

    she emailed me last month, 11 months later, asking for a list of things she wanted back. fair enough. she also forwarded me 30 photographs she took of me when i was deep in an eating disorder (anorexia) and depressed, suicidal, a mess. i am now recovered and look very different, very confident, sure of myself

    i felt sick and told her i didn't ask for those photos.
    she said "you asked for them more than once."
    i said "i asked for many things more than once that was a different time of my life."

    i then made sure she was to see me when she retrieved her old stuff. she assumed i'd be hiding and wanted my relatives to open the door for her. she had to see me , and how well i was. how i looked. she didn't talk. she looked so scared of me, and was cringing and looked like she wanted to run away from me.

    then she emailed me after saying "sorry, i just thought those photos would tie things up once and for all, sorry for sending them, i won't contact you again now."

    this is a YEAR after i said i LEFT her.

    what was she thinking??
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 19, 2010
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    First off I'm really sorry she abused you...there are some sick people in this world...but you were strong enough to remove her from your life so Kudos to you!

    some people are so miserable that they want others to be miserable too..she was hoping to hurt you but now that she's seen how well you are and how you are not afraid of her, her plan failed and she became small again...

    some people get a kick out of hurting others, it makes them feel good and better but deep down, they are worse...you were her punching bag, her recipient for all her anger and sadness...

    now that you aren't a weak person, she knows she can't control you for her own pleasure...

    I would take this as a great affirmation of how good you are doing, you were able to face her, stand up for yourself and not let her affect you...

    You go girl! :hug: Now you can really move on and be free...
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    thank you so much for your encouraging words :D . it was really exciting to meet her again and be in control of it all. i was scared though! it made me realise how much this one woman effected me for 7 years. i was so tense. she was trying to take control of it all again.
    but when i saw her, cringing and cowering i thought, everything worked, i HAD to show her how well i was and she got it.

    i am also remembering a lot of her sexual fantasies she had , she'd tell me them, it involved her therapist of all people- i don't know ...control/dominance/forced stuff was one of the main things here.

    thanks for your reply and your thoughts living in my own world:hug:
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    wow yea...she definately has some issues...

    Well now that you know you are strong, you can move on :)

    you're a great inspiration to the rest of us...keep it up!
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    it's not that easy.
    moving on is one of those nice things to say, damage has been done, not only from her but with nearly everyone in my life.

    what's wrong with being weak and dying, because right now that's what i want to do. my strength has always been for other people . i'm done.
  6. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    aww I'm sorry you feel that way....life is hard, and you can't control whats been thrown at you..only thing you can do is choose what you want to do with what you've recieve wether it was negative or positive...

    dont sell yourself short...it took great guts to do what you did...

    how many women who get abuse, end up never leaving the abusers or worse end up dead...you were strong enough to choose yourself...that you were worth being treated good and with respect...

    its okay to feel down and giving up...sometimes we need to do that in order to get back up...

    yes the damage is done, but you still have control on what you want to do with that...

    the fact that you stood up to her shows that you do have strength for yourself...

    hang in there :hug: and take it one day at a time...there's no rush...
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    not in all circumstances. i live in a world with people around me, who can hinder/restrict/stabotage my life and so called "choices" to reach out for help in distress and offer very poor care and safety when i need it badly. this is so frightening but at least i'm prepared, what i'm worried about is going to A+E when i'm very fragile and not being heard when i need it badly. i did not 'choose' to live, i had to live, i work on a level which isn't about choice as such, it's been pure hard, gritty survival for how many years. i've gone through so much shit that many people on this forum haven't, including the basic need for food/safety/shelter not being there until about a year and a bit ago, my accommodation is still rocky, it causes me a lot of anxiety and yeah...i could go on about that but i don't. i know people suffer full stop, and some people DO have loads of choices when it comes to help, cos they might be in very different circumstances that i was and have been. but i'm good at screaming for my life. :smile:

    thank you. i don't now. i used to feel like i had to demean myself (in terms of thinking, and not showing that i was thinking and very aware and working through thoughts). but i work on a "don't compromise yourself" anymore thing now. i've done this for so long with a few people, it's like slow death.

    i know what you mean. i have women like this all around me and they are like the walking dead. but again , i talked about choice with my therapist, and i always say i didn't choose to do all this, i had to because i was struggling with my physical health and it had got to the point where i was debilitated. i've been working and do live without thinking a lot of the time, on a survival/instinctive way. the thing i now struggle with is that my gf and i both thought what we were in was ok and healthy. it was because i didn't know anything else it is fucking devastating to even look at those 7 years for me. because it was only when i started to distance myself from her, my eating/body image/confidence improved and A LOT of questions were coming up about how she was treating my body.

    thanks. i generally can't stand feeling this way and am having real never ending thoughts of self harm and death. i can't do this for long though, i get very very agitated.

    yes, to a certain extent, i do a lot, again without thinking, to externalise safely. after that, i have no control and i'm very agitated and very dangerous to myself. that's what i've been struggling with for over 2 years cos now i don't have an ED, or self harm to contain those feelings. i deal with flashbacks, body memories, intrusive life threatening stuff with very little medication.

    people say this a lot, but you know, it's like walking on a fucking mine field. it's tiring, and my whatsit- my stamina to endure just one day of severe depression just tips me over into agitation i can't control and suicidality.

    thank you for your response and replying.:smile:
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 21, 2010
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