Whole life ruined from one mistake

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tendenCs_89, Mar 8, 2010.

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  1. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    Hey i havent posted on here in ages...mainly because despite being extremely depresed and suicidal at the begginning of 2009, for the last 8 months or so my life has been going pretty well, there have been a few dark moments but nothing i thought i couldnt handle...but now I feel in a darker place than I think Ive ever been...

    Now two days ago on saturday night i was so drunk walking back from a party, id had a great time. Then a woman approached me and asked me if i wanted to "party". Because I was drunk and feeling on top of the world, and because having sex with a prostitute is something I have always wanted to try by means of experimentation I accepted. I put on a condom for when she had sex with me, but didnt bother when she was giving me oral.

    The next day i woke up realising I was an idiot for having sex with a hooker like that....then I noticed yesterday and today a tingling, itching sensation on my penis and balls and a red mark that I could swear wasnt there before. And about an hour ago I found the begginnings of what seems like a coldsore on my mouth.

    So I just booked an appt with a doctor. Im pretty sure its herpes.

    Im 18 and even though this may sound childish but sex is a hugely important part of my life, I havent done it much but as someone who has thought of themeselves as a loser for most of their life the fact Ive had sex with a few girls has helped make me feel like Im cool...like Im a popular, desirable person. And when having sex and being naked with a girl I love, for me its the best feeling in the world.

    Now i feel totally fucked up. I feel that to an extent Ive screwed my life. Im going to have to tell any girl I get what I have and Im never gonna be able to do what I wanted to. This may sound like something stupid to be so depressed about but I feel ive ruined everything while ive still got my life ahead of me

    The final thing thats messing with me is that i always live my life to the maximum, always jumping at a new experience without thinking of consequences and this has brought me down to earth and I feel like the whole way i look at life has been changed

    Thanks for reading this...I know it may sound stupid...but i feel so bad and just want someone to talk to me and help me

    Thank you
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    first, that sucks

    second, it can be dealt with

    is it going to make it more difficult - not gonna lie and say "no", but it is something that can be treated and you will have to be careful and - most importantly - upright and honest with anyone you want to have sex with in the future

    third, it's not stupid - you're scared and that's all part of being human

    in the long run you may to modify your outlook a little to include thinking about the consequences first - look at all the successful extreme sports athletes - they make sure that all the safety gear is in place before they go and still lay it all out there when the time comes
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I couldn't have said it better than Wastingecho, to be honest.

    Get yourself to a doctor and get the treatment you need.
  4. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I think I may have it to and I've never had actual sex.
    I'm ruined for life- no guy will ever want me. Another reason as to why I need to take my own life.
  5. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    Just to say I made this thread months ago and I went to the clinic and was clean :)

    I say this because people have just been PMing me from this which I really appreciate the kindness, but I dont want you to have to go to the effort for something which has been solved

    But again thanks for the kindness, I made this thread in a neurotic panic just after I'd sobered up and in my mind was convinced I had it, Im just one of those people who freaks out easily

    And Autumn, that isnt true, when I was freaking out I did research and theres actually as you probably know ways to suppress it and as long as your careful and make sure the guy is protected it wont be a problem

    Best of luck getting through this, there are a lot of helpful people on here who will be here for you when your down :)
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad to hear things turned out for the best. I hope you will be careful in the future. I realized you probably would not have made that rash decision had you been of a clear mind. Anyway, I am glad you have nothing to worry about as a result of that incident.
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am glad to hear you did not catch anything. Look we all make mistakes, and I am glad this was not one of them.

    Feel better dude, I am sure you can meet a girl you love, that way you will only party with her :yay:
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi tendenCs. You should have exercised better judgement that night, but being drunk and having a total stranger propose sex might be tempting. This happened to me one time when I was at a strip club, although I wasn't drunk and I refused. It does sound to me like you contracted herpes or some other sexually transmitted disease. I'm glad to hear that you were given a clean bill of health, but remember has dormant periods followed by flare-ups. Being a 30 year old virgin might make me seem like a loser to some, but at least I can say that I have no STD's. :smile:
  9. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    First of all, don't assume you have a big problem , you don't know for sure. If you do have a problem there are many who share it that can help.I know a girl who just found out she has a problem. She is beautiful and will ONLY date men with the same problem as her. There are thousands and thousands of others out there that would be happy to be with you if you do have a problem.
    But maybe it isn't what you think!!!!
  10. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    A few months ago, I developed several blisters on my penis after engaging in some risky behaviours. I freaked out, went into a manic state, and was up for the 3 days until my test could be settled. It turns out I was fine, and the doctor realized there was something wrong with me, and set me up with a therapist.

    I'm so glad to hear you're okay, too.
  11. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    I just read the post you wrote. I'm glad you did not have what you thought you did! I'm so glad youare feeling better!!!!

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