Hey i havent posted on here in ages...mainly because despite being extremely depresed and suicidal at the begginning of 2009, for the last 8 months or so my life has been going pretty well, there have been a few dark moments but nothing i thought i couldnt handle...but now I feel in a darker place than I think Ive ever been...
Now two days ago on saturday night i was so drunk walking back from a party, id had a great time. Then a woman approached me and asked me if i wanted to "party". Because I was drunk and feeling on top of the world, and because having sex with a prostitute is something I have always wanted to try by means of experimentation I accepted. I put on a condom for when she had sex with me, but didnt bother when she was giving me oral.
The next day i woke up realising I was an idiot for having sex with a hooker like that....then I noticed yesterday and today a tingling, itching sensation on my penis and balls and a red mark that I could swear wasnt there before. And about an hour ago I found the begginnings of what seems like a coldsore on my mouth.
So I just booked an appt with a doctor. Im pretty sure its herpes.
Im 18 and even though this may sound childish but sex is a hugely important part of my life, I havent done it much but as someone who has thought of themeselves as a loser for most of their life the fact Ive had sex with a few girls has helped make me feel like Im cool...like Im a popular, desirable person. And when having sex and being naked with a girl I love, for me its the best feeling in the world.
Now i feel totally fucked up. I feel that to an extent Ive screwed my life. Im going to have to tell any girl I get what I have and Im never gonna be able to do what I wanted to. This may sound like something stupid to be so depressed about but I feel ive ruined everything while ive still got my life ahead of me
The final thing thats messing with me is that i always live my life to the maximum, always jumping at a new experience without thinking of consequences and this has brought me down to earth and I feel like the whole way i look at life has been changed
Thanks for reading this...I know it may sound stupid...but i feel so bad and just want someone to talk to me and help me
Thank you
Now two days ago on saturday night i was so drunk walking back from a party, id had a great time. Then a woman approached me and asked me if i wanted to "party". Because I was drunk and feeling on top of the world, and because having sex with a prostitute is something I have always wanted to try by means of experimentation I accepted. I put on a condom for when she had sex with me, but didnt bother when she was giving me oral.
The next day i woke up realising I was an idiot for having sex with a hooker like that....then I noticed yesterday and today a tingling, itching sensation on my penis and balls and a red mark that I could swear wasnt there before. And about an hour ago I found the begginnings of what seems like a coldsore on my mouth.
So I just booked an appt with a doctor. Im pretty sure its herpes.
Im 18 and even though this may sound childish but sex is a hugely important part of my life, I havent done it much but as someone who has thought of themeselves as a loser for most of their life the fact Ive had sex with a few girls has helped make me feel like Im cool...like Im a popular, desirable person. And when having sex and being naked with a girl I love, for me its the best feeling in the world.
Now i feel totally fucked up. I feel that to an extent Ive screwed my life. Im going to have to tell any girl I get what I have and Im never gonna be able to do what I wanted to. This may sound like something stupid to be so depressed about but I feel ive ruined everything while ive still got my life ahead of me
The final thing thats messing with me is that i always live my life to the maximum, always jumping at a new experience without thinking of consequences and this has brought me down to earth and I feel like the whole way i look at life has been changed
Thanks for reading this...I know it may sound stupid...but i feel so bad and just want someone to talk to me and help me
Thank you