I'm really struggling today. I don't know why nothing has happened. I just feel so dam low. I' so bloody sick of it. I can't stop self harming. I have even started carrying needles with me in case I feel as though I need a quick fix when I am out. It helps at first and then I feel remorse for giving in. Then I want to do it even more. What kind of life is one where you wish for death. I know I want to go. I know I don't want to be here. But do I have the balls. Really? I think it's the not knowing what there is after death. Is there reincarnation, is there heaven and hell, is there nothing? I am not a religious person. I don't believe in one god etc. I would class myself as an agnostic. That way I can't lose can I? But I was brought up as a catholic and there is that small part of me that thinks well what if it is true? Then what happens. I don't have faith. I stopped believing in all that when my Nan died. I don't know if I have the courage to go through with the plans. Not that I have any methods or anything planned yet I just know what I want. The constant research of it. <Edit Moderator Total Eclipse method triggering> I want it to cause me pain and infections and kill me. I'm sick and tired of this!