why am i bothering

[devi]

not sure why i am bothering to post
talking doesn't help
can't talk about how bad i really feel
especially not to those close to me
every day i wake up wishing i could just close my eyes and die
every day the pain is too much to bear
the "temporary problem" has been going on for more than 30 years now... people have promised me that it gets better, but i just go on suffering... day after day... year after year...
i'm not afraid to die, i'm afraid of NOT dying
knowing the consequences of trying and failing is the only thing that keeps me here
i don't know how a person can survive this pain
the anxiety is debilitating
every day is a struggle
a battle
i feel like i am wearing out
i am so tired
i just want to sleep, but the nightmares...
ha! every waking moment is a nightmare
those in my sleep pale in comparison

oh well

thanks for listening..... if anyone is

 

[Gi-Jane]

yes and not just someone is ...allot of ppl here listen to u and see what u say.......
hope u will be ok..and if u need someone to talk 2 or just talk 2....add me on msn.........

 

[Terry]

Wish I could offer you more than an ear hun, have you tried anti-depressants?

 

[devi]

Wish I could offer you more than an ear hun, have you tried anti-depressants?

I've tried just about every anti-depressant out there. Paxil worked for awhile... several years actually, but eventually stopped being effective because I had taken it for so long.

I take Trileptal now for a mood stabilizer, and it helps a little. Without it, I am REALLY morbid!

I have a name of a doc that my regular medical doctor says is good, but I have been too anxious to call! Makes sense, huh? Someone who might be able to give me the help I'm dying for (almost literally), and I'm too deep in anxiety and depression to actually dial the damn number.