Swallowing a needle is very unlikely to kill you. Unless you've got an iron constitution regarding pain, then its a lottery as to were the needle will end up. It could well perforate something sometime - I've read a few online reports as you may have yourself. If not others will have as this a worry for those who care about you. I include myself in that number also but at this time, I'm not pushing that.
You can always claim it was an accident. People swallow needles a lot picking teeth - toothpicks also. I swallowed a tooth a while back - might have swallowed a plastic solider or two as a child also. There's your excuse - I mean, if you want to have hope at some point - you are best to deal with this needle now, otherwise it just as easily slip into the appendix, or even the liver. The pain would be too much at that point for you to keep your own counsel.
So, getting help for this does not entail confessing to it being deliberate.
I've read enough of your posts to recognise that you have a lot to offer people. You are a bit like the man in the movie 'It's a wonderful life' - we all are here. The man, thinks his life is over - but an angel jumps in the river before he does - forcing him to save this angel who is in the form of an ordinary, cumbersome kind of man. You may have seen this movie - but even so...
The man says to the angel - "I wish I had never been born" - the angel is able to grant this wish but things do not turn out how the man or any of us might imagine. Life without us - it always effects others. By committing suicide it is a message others will take on-board - it can add up to someone maybe thinking it is the best way for them.
Although I do not know you - I'd be horrified if you or anyone else succeeded in killing themselves. I have a lot of empathy - maybe too much sometimes. My fear is that caring for people will lead me down the path you are on right now. I say this, because every person I know, who killed themselves (except one person) was caring.
I don't know how many people have killed themselves in this world, but I'm guessing millions and millions of poor souls over the centuries. Reading history, there are some famous cases. The Bible, has the most famous suicide, that of Judas. The one person I know who killed themselves and who never cared much for anyone - committed an evil and heinous act and killed himself - like Judas, his crime was grave.
Nobody here comes under that category of evil. Everyone, has the common bond if you will in that we all care about others - or we used to! Depression hurts the most when we stop caring. If you stop caring for others you'll stop caring for yourself - and vice versa (the other way around also) A small part of us, knows we have a lot to offer, if only we could be hardened a little to the viciousness of depression and the subtle manner in which it piles insult to injury. We all need something to shield us from the everyday strife which can and does affect even the most hardy of souls.
You've likely heard all this before though. That's the thing with being intelligent - you soon learn the coping mechanisms offered up by others, you likely know depression inside out - and know all the lingo also. You study this for Gods sake! so maybe I'm just annoying you. I know what its like to be so down that you can see the consolation words coming - and cringe as more 'good advice' is lined up. You want to die - people line up with platitudes and bull***.
Truth is - life is a real drag. This world, collectively, 6 billion or so of us, seem to be doing a pretty good job at making life a misery for the majority. The best have doubts, the worse are 100% self assured. Even those of us who hate life will recognise that there are reasons for this.
Worse of all - no matter what we might hold sacred, is also in doubt. The short time we get on this earth, it seems like an assault course sometimes - it starts off gently as a child. Thank god I was lucky there, but as an adult, as you move away from childhood, something dies in you - or gets killed off. The awe and wonder we felt as children, the thrill of discovery, the sheer joy of just being alive, we are told to sideline that. Seems like people carry a lot of fear, needlessly so. Maybe fear is more the opposite of love than hate, After all , love makes us want to bring people near to us and fear pushes them away. Hate would be a shotgun firing, most people do not hate but a lot of us fear. We fear what we do not understand sometimes - like depression - that is a prime candidate for encouraging fear to seem real and of substance.
I know your in a dark place right now - but you have to think about the times when you felt some kind of joy and love, because that at least assures you that you have that ability. No need to ask what your talents are as you have one that, I am sure, would SAVE many lives if only you could finish that study and get back into the 'buzz' of getting up, spending 8 hours a day helping others, and making time for yourself to watch the roses grow and smell the blooms now and again.
I know this will take some time - but the first move is sorting out that needle. Its nothing new for the ER staff when someone walks in and says "I've swallowed a needle". This is actually boring when you consider what goes into some people. The staff have a special collection of X-Rays of 'things people put in themselves'. Lets not think too much about that though!
You CANNOT just wait for it to pass through - and its likely that the hospital will operate to remove it - keyhole stuff, more than likely. you'd be up and out in no time at all. Maybe the short stay will give you a jolt and you do not have to feel shame as its just an accident.
Not been praying all that much lately, but did today and have just lit my prayer candle for you.
Be well.
Seek medical help for the needle.
The rest, we'll take day by day, hour by hour. Your not alone in this battle, I'm kind of hoping you'll be around to advise me when I'm losing it.