Why am I even here!? Who even cares!?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by blobofdepression, Dec 24, 2013.

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  1. I mean seriously why am I around. Everyone's depressed and no one's really happy. No one really cares about me, my depression just throws everyone away from me. Why can't I just be happy or a likeable person? Why did I have to be homeless because of my depression. Why did I have to be born. No one's even going to fucking respond because that's the world, unless you benefit other people no one gives two steaming shits about you.

    And I benefit no one and I make no one around me happy. Why do I have to live? Please can't I just die!? Why is it so WRONG...
     
  2. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    Well, I guess my new name is "No one" because I am responding.

    First, I don't know why anyone has to have depression or has to suffer pain. Quite honestly, if I could take all the pain everyone has and put it on me, I would. Not because I think I deal with it better, but because I don't think anyone benefits truly from pain. I mean I get the concept of "you have to have pain to appreciate the good things" and "sometimes pain brings about growth" but I still think there has to be some better way of getting the same results, because to me, it always ends up that remnants of the pain linger long after the event occurs, and I don't understand what the usefulness of that is. I think you can be a likeable person even if you are not 100% happy all the time though, it just depends on how you direct your anger/sadness. Homelessness is another thing I don't understand why it has to happen and why when it does happen so many people look down upon you (I was homeless on and off for 2 yrs). Homelessness to me is preventable by society as a whole... if we were all willing to make changes in the way we do/think of things... but I realize the changes that need to be made will never happen, so I just accept that homelessness is an inevitable reality to many people.

    Depression is a very hard and lonely and cruel thing. I'm not sure it can always be beat fullly, but I do believe it can be controlled to where it doesn't have to run your life all the time... I've suffered with it for 27 yrs... yes I go through extreme bouts of it where the depression rules me instead of me ruling it, but it is more manageable now than it was before. I will tell you like I tell everyone, there are 3 reasons I choose to continue the fight to live.... maybe you can borrow one or two or all of them for yourself:

    1. There is a plaque I keep on the wall behind my pc that reads "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." I guess I'm a little selfish because I figure with all the things I've been through I deserve to see and experience every one of those moments that are so GOOD they take my breath away... and I don't want anyone or anything to take those moments from me.

    2. Most the things I have been through in life, I have gone through alone without anyone there to help me cope. I don't recommend that to anyone nor do I wish it on anyone. Because of this, if I hear of or see someone that is going through or has been through a similar pain to one I have been through or am going through, I try to talk to that person and lend them help to cope. This also helps me a bit, as it tends to make me relay to them why and how I can relate which causes me to have to face my issues again and each time I do so, causes me to heal just a little bit more. Also, sometimes I come up with ideas when I talk to them that I did not think of for myself so I try to put those ideas into play for myself too.

    3. I have a belief that all of us make an impact on others everytime they look our way, talk to us, or interact with us. Why? Because the act of doing these things causes the person to have some kind of thought about us or our situation or what we are saying/doing/looking like/etc. These thoughts cause slight impacts on the person which then lead to changes. That person then goes out into the world... and makes impacts on others in the same way, but those impacts are slightly altered from what they would have been had you never impacted them.... and the process goes on. I believe the world needs a lot of changing so any impact you can make... be it good or bad... is welcomed, because even "bad impacts" will eventually cause someone to consider and search for a solution to a problem thus, in the end, even a bad impact leads to a good one.

    I think we all have purpose in this life, I don't think you are any lesser. Maybe you don't know your purpose. Maybe your purpose is just to add enough impacts to this world... but its still a purpose, and if you quit too early, you negate your purpose. Doesn't that make it even more miserable? To not only suffer in life, but in the end, not even have had a purpose? Doesn't that mean that you would just be contributing to your own pain? Shouldn't you be your own best advocate rather than another person contributing to your pain? We cant depend 100% on anybody except ourselves... so why not be your own advocate?

    Not saying anything is wrong with death per se, just that its a waste to have happen if you cause it to happen before it should have...
     
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey, looks like my name is "no one" too!

    There's probably a way for you to get better and fell glad to be alive. Lots of people have felt the way that you feel now, but have found a way to feel glad that they are alive. Please keep posting a reaching out, we may be able to help.

    Some of the info in the link in my signature may be helpful to you.

    Hope that things can get better soon!
     
  4. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    hi.

    do keep reaching out- we want to help, honest (that's what the forum is for)

    i think that's a very nice gesture- wanting to take pain away from all of us, i can't even begin to picture how that would make me feel... sort of relief and confusion at the same time

    xxx
     
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