Why am I even here?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mutad0r, Aug 2, 2010.

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  1. Mutad0r

    Mutad0r Member

    I had been waiting with suicide, hoping I'd get a girlfriend when school starts. But I just realized that I'm going to be an IT specialist.. there are no girls in that class.. there were none last year.. I guess that's... how it's supposed to be then.. What is starting to bother me kinda, although I like it, are the dreams I see EVERY night... absolutely every night I meen a girl... I have a girlfriend.... we kiss ... every night.. not always the same girl, but that doesn't matter... The previous night I was with the girl I have been in love with the most... and with whom I screwed it up the most.. but fuck that... I'm going to either be in an eternal dream once I die and be happy, or just be DEAD ... and fucking happy...

    Oh, and btw, if you have a problem with me cursing then fuck you! this is a suicide forum, place where peaople are meant to express their feelings!
  2. Vampiress892

    Vampiress892 Active Member

    Hold on a bit longer. Just because there isn't going to be any girls in your class, doesn't mean you won't have a girlfriend. Just wait and you will find her. I promise.
  3. Mutad0r

    Mutad0r Member

    "it will be fine" they say! Well it won't! you don't know me! and that means you can't possibly know why it's impossible for me to get a girl... I'm not social... not at all... unless there's magic in this world and I conjure myself a girl, I will be without.
  4. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I know what it's like :(. It's hard finding guys for me, but I'm not an overtly social person anyways. I have pretty low self esteem and not an awful lot of confidence. Sometimes it's because I don't think I look good. I have acne and scarring and I'm wondering if it'll ever 'lay off' a bit. I've have it for...pushing 4 or 5 years I think. I can't remember the days when I had pretty much smooth skin. I think I could deal with the scarring I have at the moment because I can get surgery/things to help reduce it. I'm also pretty introverted, but since when does suicidal ideation make you anymore out-going? :dunno:.

    There are chicks in the IT industry....plus you don't always have to get one from your line of work :). How old are you if I may ask? I'm guessing Uni age, so have you tried any online dating/social sites?
  5. Mutad0r

    Mutad0r Member

    I'm 20 next month.. The thing about having girls in my class would be that the chance to communicate with females is higher...
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Do you get out with friends?? Maybe going to social affairs will help you find a girlfriend..You have to get out to meet someone..You never know whats around the corner if you don't take steps forward..Good Luck!!
  7. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    God made girls so that guys would hate themselves.
  8. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I would focus on me, and the dreams I believe stem from sexual frustration. I do not believe death is the answer in any situation especially this one, nor do I believe there is a chance that you will have dreams when when you die. You can make your dreams a reality, but I would not give up if it doesn't happen right now! You are so young and have yet to figure out who you are and want to be. Don't give up! Figure out what man you are going to be, and then go out into the dating scene and share that with the women you meet. You will not be alone forever, those are lies that stem from depression and darkness. Do not allow FEAR to steal any chance that you may have to finding happiness. Blessings..
  9. Mutad0r

    Mutad0r Member

    Time is a fiction of the mind. That's why we can see a dream that feels like 10 minutes and have the whole night pass. We should also be able to see more than the actual time we sleep. I have a bad memory so I can't say precisely, but I saw an article about that in newscientist. anyway.. anything is possible... except for me to find someone ofc.
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