Why am I here??

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Ideservedeath, Sep 20, 2008.

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  1. Ideservedeath

    Ideservedeath Member

    If I were you, I wouldn't read this. I'm just need to vent a little.

    Here is the run down: I'm 24 - never had a job, never had a girlfriend, never really had friends, never got drunk hehe, never kissed a girl, never told anyone "I love you" since I was maybe 12, never confided in anyone, nobody has ever known how I feel, I don't think life has meaning or purpose, I feel like a mistake, I feel like death is the only way out of this hell. From the outside looking in, people may think I'm OK, but that's only because I'm a great actor. :biggrin:

    Well, that's me. Sad life, right? It's terribly hard for me to become motivated to do anything (life has no meaning...why do anything?). Somehow I managed to graduate from college (I was a commuter and only spoke to maybe 5 people the entire time:blink:) and I've been living with my parents and taking 1 or 2 classes each semester at the local CC. Regardless, I feel like I'm stuck at 16 yrs old because I've yet to live. I was kinda popular in high school, but nobody knew me....I was the guy that could make people laugh, but that was just a shell. I don't even think I know how to interact with people like normal people do. I see all these people who at 24 have done so much and I have done nothing. Who would want to be friends with a loser like me? Damn, I'd feel sorry for anyone that did...there definitely is no good motive to like me unless it's just out of pity. I'd make a terrible friend.

    My parents don't even know me. I kinda feel bad for them because they have to put up with me. Many times my frustration boils over and I cuss them out and damage their home. Seriously, when I go into a rage it's not a pretty sight. I will say some of the most wretched things you can image and I'll kick/punch holes in the wall, throws things, etc. One time I got so mad that I jumped in the car and started slinging the car into circles on the yard. I bet the neighbors got a good laugh out of that one.:laugh: Those fits of rage are terrible because I feel so damn bad, but I can't let anyone know why I feel like being that way. I get scared about them sometimes because I don't know what I might do one day. The littlest thing can set me off and I'll use it to vent my frustrations about all of the above crap.

    Well, if after 24 years my "life" is like this...what do I have to look forward to? :puke:

    Now I feel even worse because people on this damn forum know me better than anyone ever has.
  2. Ideservedeath

    Ideservedeath Member

    BTW I don't think I've ever used "I" so much in my life. LOL. Sorry to seem so self absorbed.
  3. Sorrow

    Sorrow Well-Known Member

    I don't think graduating from college is nothing. Many people don't finish or even go at all. What were you going to college for? Making people laugh is a good thing to have in a friend. You probably have many other good qualities too. If you need someone to talk to I am here.
  4. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    i understand how you feel. i keep people at a distance and wear a mask when i have to interact with others. i use humor as a self-defence mechanism and keep all, even my parents, out of my head and heart. when you live like that life feels so isolated, even if you are surrounded by people.

    there are others like you. there are others who understand. :arms:
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