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why am i like this?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by life, Jan 25, 2007.

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  1. life

    life Well-Known Member

    ALL THE PEOPLE SAY THE SAME TTHİNG...İ AM SO QUİET i am shy calm....ı am 18 years old and ı am fed up of this....i didnt choose to be like this !!!!!!.....ıf thıs ıs my character can ıt be changed? some say u can change ıt some say u cant....the thıng ıs ı am not happy wıth my self!!!....ı want to be a dıfferent person .......why me ?why why why.....i hait my self ...
  2. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Hi Life,

    Although it's not possible to be a different person, you can learn to accept yourself.. and change some things if necessary, to learn to love yourself more. You ask a good question.. I believe that we can change the way we behave around people. I wonder though, if there is a reason why you are quiet?

    I am asking because i am just learning about myself, and when i was growing up, i adapted to my surrounding environment. At a very early age i was already making decisions about, e.g not showing anger. Showing anger to me, was not safe.. and i can count the times i've shown people, and myself, anger.

    So i'm wondering whether it would be useful for you to explore possible reasons why you're "quiet" with a professional counsellor? It may or may not be useful, i don't know.

    Either way I do think it's possible to change. It may not be easy or comfortable to be not quiet.. but it is possible.

    Sorry if this reply is not really much help.. i don't know really what to suggest. But maybe consider talking about this with a therapist. My therapist once suggested a small thing to me - to talk slower when i speak to people. (i normally talk quickly because i don't feel what i have to say is worthy) It was such a small suggestion, but it had massive effects for me. I still don't talk slowly every time i speak, but i do sometimes make a conscious decision, and when i do, i can really tell the difference.

    Anyway, i wish you all the best with it.. and please do keep us updated if you want.

    PS being calm is not necessarily a bad thing either. I personally would rather be calm than very angry at everyone and the world.. maybe try seeing this as a positive as opposed to a negative?
  3. Old_Man_Kensey

    Old_Man_Kensey Well-Known Member

    you can change but it takes everyday practice...It s hard
    But if you set little goals everyday u might be able to defeat this shyness
    Some ideas for a start

    next time you order food don t just say the damn meal you want.try to smile to the person that s taking the order and say a polite "hello.How are you?". then go on and order.Don t try to engage a conversation. just try to be polite and calm [just imitate the person taking the order]...

    taxi drivers are a good exercise for fighting off shy-ness coz they are talkative ones...try to talk with the taxi driver next time u get a cab.ask him how the business is doing, if it s been a good job, how many years he d been doing it, praise him a bit about how hard it is to be driving over hours and putting up with all those crazy people.he ll prolly do most of the talking so won t have big probs maintaing a convo...If u do well your confidence about talking will increase a bit, if not u ll not see that man again, so u can fuck this up without feeling bad about it

    i bet there are times u keep thinking about things and lines you should have said but you didn t and u failed to make a connection with sb during a conversation..If i m correct you need to stop that..You need to learn not to care about what to say , just say anything that comes through your mind..You see, those who don t talk much shouldnt be thinking much as well coz they need to let themselves free to talk rather than try to control what to say..And if u screw up sometimes, and u don t say the right words it s ok coz everyody does say stupid things, everybody has been embarassed sometimes

    So simply think that the part of your brain responsible for interracting, talking and socialising is a muscle that s weak..You ll just have to keep exercising it and take advantage of every chance of interacting..this is really really hard but if u really wanna change u must go through this

    i hope i helped, good luck
  4. life

    life Well-Known Member

    yes ıt helped thanks a lot...........:tongue:
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Are you feeling a bit better now? Not quite so everwhelmed? The advice you were given above is sound, so I won't resay it. Know that you are in my thoughts. :hug:
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