Why am I like this..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sweetrecital, Jun 10, 2012.

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  1. Sweetrecital

    Sweetrecital Member

    Hey there everyone, im new here and well.. i've come to hopefuly [hate this word] feel better, knowing someone out there will know how i feel..

    im 18 years old, and have suffered from depression since 11. since i was 13, i've been hurting myself and contemplating suicide and how i would go about
    removing myself from the surface of this planet. the only problem being, as i've gotten older i've obviously learnt more about what the world has to offer
    and im not talking about all the great things that can happen, but all the bad things that are available to me.. it was around 4 days ago, that i tried to take
    my life for i don't know, the 4th - 5th time with actual intent. i may have to edit this post if asked to but i used <edit mod total eclipse method> to overdose, but ended up staying
    awake due to my heart rate increase, and well im still here.. i don't know what i look for in life, i have motivation but it isn't enough for me.. im still at home,
    and my parents don't know about what i do to myself, some of my friends do and my teacher at course knows now but.. i just don't know what to do
    with myself, i wana disappear
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 10, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun welcome to SF Im sorry you are still fighting the depression I thi nk you need to talk to your doctor and get more help for YOU Get into some therapy change your meds maybe but get help ok You are 18 many people your age hun do not have direction are not sure what life has to bring them Talk to a school gudance councillor ok talk to your teachers and get their support Your family hun hold onto their care too. don't leave them ok Keep talking to us hun we are listneing hugs
     
  3. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Its a horrible feeling and pain when the world for us is so bad isn't it. Maybe you could share abit more with us, you say you have had depression since aged 11, thats very young. Is there something that triggered that for you? I am going to leave this short for now, I'd like you to know that I am here should you wish to chat on here or through private messages. I am suicidal right now and the pain and heartache I'm going through is increasing daily, I have had a rough life and have gone through so many emotions, traumas and situations.
    I am not here to judge, but you are so young and dont like to think of yuo suffering. Doctors aren't always great with things like this, I find sharing with others who have 1st hand experience is better. Stay safe and come back here again won't you, and we'll try to help, if nobody else does then I will do my best, don't have any magic wands, but got a good heart and listening ear.
     
  4. yep

    yep Well-Known Member

    What would you life need to be for you to feel better?
    How do you think you can help for that to happen?
    How have you managed to survive so far in spite of your feeling down?
     
  5. whyamistillhere

    whyamistillhere New Member

    Im 18 too, and I feel exactly like you do. I'm too scared to try it, but have - and still do at times, self harm. Nobody knows whats going with me- the harming etc. No body takes the time to care and find out.

    The fiends i gain get sick of me, and dont stay around too long. My parents have enough of their own problems they dont notice mine.

    I cant say what you should do, or recommend help. But I can say that I know how you feel and perhaps, jsut maybe, if you ask those people who know they can help. Your already lucky because people know- they can also be the same people who might help, if perhaps you let them? or ask them?

    I dont know. But whatever happens I hope you feel better.
     
  6. Sweetrecital

    Sweetrecital Member

    okay well, what triggered my depression is kind of.. odd. but, when i was 11 i travelled the world for a year with my family. most people would say what the heck, why would you be depressed from such a great opportunity? well, for me it was a year of being without friends, and when you're young your friends mean a lot to you. i sank into depression due to lack of home life, always on the go and when you're young change can be somewhat difficult. by half way through the year, my IBS had become very bad, stomach aches all the time, multiple sick days from school [i attended, and had friends but once again, always on the move] so, it got out of control and 2 years later when i was in middle school, the self harm began. alongside this, i have a feeling that i've had a step dad since i was 5 and don't even know my real dad, maybe i'm missing the other half of my ancestry, but i don't normally think about it. i've been councelled and im on herbal anti depressants, st johns wort is the name, they're okay but whenever i take one, a few hours later ill need another and they say they aren't addictive, but like most drugs its the affect that you get hooked on, not the action of taking it
     
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