Why am I like this?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by verdadadera, Jul 31, 2012.

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  1. verdadadera

    verdadadera New Member

    I always feel empty.
    I know I'm not a sociopath or anything, because I strongly empathize/sympathize with my friends, family, and most T.V characters (silly, I know. But I'm the person where if I know something embarrassing is about to happen to the main character in a show, I cringe and want to look away and it makes me uncomfortable).

    My life hasn't been the easiest. I was molested as a child, my father is awful, my mother means well but just doesn't understand, and i'm not close to any of my other family members even though I have a lot of them.

    I always feel alone and empty. I should be grateful that I have a lot of friends and people who are there that want to be around me, but I feel alone in an empty room. I'm smart but I'm not brilliant. I never finish anything and can never keep commitments. I'm not good at anything except for writing, and I haven't written anything in such a long time that when I tried picking it back up I ended up deleting everything.

    I'm useless. My parents are divorced and both re-married with their own new families. I'm utterly alone. I think a lot about dying, or if anyone would care at all if I just disappeared from the earth. I don't feel like I'm contributing to this world at all. In school I get B's and C's, I'm kind of a slut, and all me and my crew of friends do is get ridiculously drunk/high. I don't deserve life.

    I'm not even unhappy enough to seriously be unhappy. Is this what they call apathy?

    Sorry this is so long.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...since you have written this, you are not totally apathetic...you have had it rough and personalization comes from having experienced so much...have you spoken to a professional about how you feel and how to move forward, participating more in your life? Thanks for sharing and welcome again
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi verdadadera and welcome to SF. It sounds to me like you need some more purpose in your life. You can start by making some new friends who don't only care about going out and getting drunk at clubs. You can also try volunteering and helping others if you're looking for something rewarding to do. Also, is there any way that you can reconnect with your family?
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