Why am I posting this?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by yada, Mar 1, 2007.

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  1. yada

    yada Well-Known Member

    No seriously, this is one of those posts that I feel I need to make to help me vent, but not sure if I expect anything from posting it.

    The thing is, that I wake up every morning very depressed and sometimes, like today, it's almost a feeling of anxiety. (Queasy stomach and head buzzing with thoughts that I can't make sense of). I feel like I'm waiting on something, but not sure what I'm waiting on.

    I'm very demotivated such that I can't get any work done (I work for myself from home), and I'm sitting here hoping someone will call me to chat. Whenever a friend calls me (especially my supportive friend who knows a lot of my depression details), I feel much much better for a bit, as if someone cares, but that feeling dissipates later that day or the next day. I feel abandoned, as if no one cares about me. And that's how I feel now. I really can't stand it, arrggghhh!!!!!!

    So why am I posting this again?
     
  2. Acetaminophen

    Acetaminophen Well-Known Member

    it happens, like what i said . .

    People care about you less than you think . .
    it's not a bad thing, they got their own lives to live, and you got yours . .
    they have problems, you do as well . .it's nothing uncommon . .

    sorry for the discouraging sentences, but i know this through experience.
    i just think i felt this way coz of my selfishness, and now i'm all to myself.
    i won't bother anyone else . . it's a win win case . .^^
     
  3. yada

    yada Well-Known Member

    Therein lies the problem. *I* don't have a life to live. No place I belong, no goals in life anymore, and I matter to no one. I don't have a purpose for existing anymore. I wake up every day and hope for the end of the day to come. I should work, but I don't. Instead, I jump from mindless activity to mindless activity trying to get the day to end. Then the cycle repeats the next day.
     
  4. Acetaminophen

    Acetaminophen Well-Known Member

    And you think i matter to anyone as well?

    there are people like us who simply aren't meant to be with the society.
    humans are still animals, in the animal world, let's take pandas for examples,
    a panda can't nurture 2 cubs, if they get 2 cubs, they simply leave the other one to rot . .

    and mindless activities are perfect, just like me, i killed myself already on the inside, i could care less . .i'm just keeping things on the surface.

    but the fact that we feel pain out of this, means there is that life .

    and i killed (to be frank i avoid) my emotions, maybe one day something or someone will make you feel alive again and will bring purpose back into your life, if not . . .then make the best of what you have . .it's worth the trouble
     
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