Why am i scared of help?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by greebo, Jul 8, 2008.

  1. greebo

    greebo New Member

    Have my 1st appointment with the psychriatric consultant tomorrow and i'm in such a mess over it. Been struggling with depression for about 14 years (half my life) and i am glad about going for help but the couple of counsellors i was made to see as a teenager just put me off the idea for life. They were obsessed with sexual abuse which thankfully isn't part of my problem and they just kept going on and on about it and trying to get me to say my dad was some sort of monster. My father is the reason i'm alive, if it wasn't for the fact that me killing myself would kill him i'd be dead long ago. But naturally the more defensive i got with them the more they thought it was true a case of 'the lady doth protest too much'. What if i go there tomorrow and get the same shit?

    And what if it just doesn't work? I'm worse now then i've ever been and i don't know what to do if counselling does no good. I used to be so good at hiding my emotions i could get through every day at work and nobody would ever suspect the dark thoughts that permanently sit in my head. But not anymore, i regularly break down into inconsoleable crying fits and i just can't seem to find a smile anymore. A few weeks ago for the 1st time in over 14 years of feeling this way i couldn't get out of bed for work. Only for a very good friend i might still be there! She dragged me to the doc, got my pills sorted and brought my cert into work for me telling management about my terrible chest infection! That lasted over a week and i still have the odd day where i just can't face the world.

    How will i keep my job if this continues?

    Where do i go to next if counselling isn't for me? Commit myself? Or wait for others to do it for me?
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Go in to your session with an open mind. They should not try to get you to admit what never happened. A good counselor will listen and ask questions, but they don't suggest trauma. Many times the first appointment is just to get to know you a little bit and start a patient-client relationship. You must build up trust on both sides. Don't expect to see or feel changes overnight. Changes can be suttle and you may not even recognize they are happening. Allow time to move forward.
  3. silent_beast

    silent_beast Active Member

    Counselors are there not to solve the problem, but to aid you in the process of analyzing that problem. I understand why you might be afraid to receive help. Some counselors don't truly understand their patients or they might appear to not care and are simply, "in it for the money". Not all counselors are the same, so it's not a good idea to assume you will have a bad experience with your new counselor simply because of your experiences with prior ones. I would go in with a fresh head and hope for the best.

    It's understandable that you are now finding it harder and harder to manage your emotions. When someone keeps something inside of them for so long, it begins to eat at them to the point where one day the release everything they are feeling, but not in a very healthy way (if there is such a thing as "healthy" way). I know it's hard to open up to people for the fear that they might not understand or that you're smothering them with your problems, but sometimes you have to give in and explain it to them a little at a time. Have you open up to your good friend regarding what you've been feeling? That might help you to feel a little better.

    I hope you feel better.
  4. greebo

    greebo New Member

    Thanks guys for the support. The appointment was a disaster i did go in with an open mind and wasn't even feeling nervous by the time i went through the door. Got through the usual getting to know me stuff but after an hour he basically told me there wasn't anything to work with! Because my depression isn't as a result of a single trauma he doesn't see what use counselling would be. So that's that, after taking so long to go looking for the help it turns out there's nothing they can do. What next? Or is it staring me in the face?:unsure: