I think the hardest thing in life is not to be sorry for yourself. I look at my life and all i can say its pathetic. But i am not gonna cry. i think its because i hate myself. REALLy hate myself. Sometimes I want throw myself into a fire pit. When you are alone you really got no one else to blame but yourself. Everything fucked up its because of me, no matter who was evolved I had my fault. I cant just ignore this and say i will change when I know im bitter all over it still. I'd rather be a dead person than stay this bitter guy all my life, so I guess I will soon be saying goodbye to this son-of-a-bitch world, and I get to finish myself too, so not bad 2 birds with one stone that i want to smash over and over. Damn if my life is supposed to be this bad, I fukin hope i didnt ever get this shit of a honor coming in this waste of time world. Because apparently it was a joke meant for me personally. Some night when i will be sittingl alone sitting somewhere, I could be thinking this all over with a level head, maybe a tear will fall hell i hope it wont. I wonder why peace is so hard to come by. I just cant fake like im actually living with a smile in my heart, its all i ever wanted to do and all i never have been doing. I get all jealous and i just want everything to end, including this fukin jealousy. Because it all came to question why do i endure?