Why am I still afraid

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Raichupuppy, Aug 26, 2012.

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  1. Raichupuppy

    Raichupuppy Active Member

    I have anxiety and clinical depression.
    Recently I've been thinking more and more on the topic: Death.
    I've had a legitimate phobia of death since I understood what it was. At night I sit in bed next to my fiance and think, "How am I going to die, what will happen to me after? Is it going to hurt?" And more and more thoughts shroud my brain until I become so upset I get sick or become close to fainting.
    I don't understand why I'm so terrified of dying. Death is part of my job, I'm a taxidermist for gods sake....I talk to ghosts, I love graveyards. Death has always played such a huge part of my life, negative and positive.
    Why am I so afraid.....It's not the dying part that frightens me, it's being dead that scares me. What is it like? Is it like being asleep? Is everything just dark? Or can I maintain existing as a wandering soul? Admittingly I feel better about it when I think of it that way....But sometimes I become woozy from anxiety and start to become light headed and I think "oh god, is this it?" Obviously I'm only freaking myself out to the point where I faint. But when I think more and more about it, these phases keep happening.
    I can't find a way to cope with this anxiety.
    Why....why am I so terrified....
  2. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    Wow, you're different from most people if you're more afraid of being dead than of dying.

    Whenever I feel afraid of death, I try to imagine like say 3 billion years into the future… or say 2 billion years into the past. I know it sounds silly but I wasn't here in either of those times and I don't feel particularly bad about them. The only real difference between them is that in one I had yet to exist and in the other I have already existed, but in both of them it's altogether likely that there won't even be a single memory of me or clue that I'm going to ever happen.

    I don't think that everything is just dark-- the Buddhists say that there is no 'you' in the first place, because everything that makes up 'you' is actually something else, that isn't you, and it's all just held together by an illusion that your mind creates. So really, if there is no 'you', then when you die all of your thoughts and emotions and gestures and such live on separately in other people, but mostly in the people that care about you and that you care about. And when they die, then they pass on those gestures and stories and emotions, and they just keep being passed on forever and ever, until all humans are dead and then at that point there's nothing to fear anyways, because you've already adjusted to whatever happened to you and everything else has also adjusted.

    Plus, nobody really knows how time works so maybe in some way all moments are eternal, so therefore you never really die because all of those moments still exist.

    When I was in university I took a course on death and the afterlife and it was really interesting… I hope what I'm saying doesn't freak you out, but they say that meditating on death is one of the best forms of meditation, so it could help your anxiety if you read about what everyone believes instead of just wondering and feeling like you don't know and can't do anything about it...
  3. Raichupuppy

    Raichupuppy Active Member

    That actually calms me down quite a bit....Its just when I think about being dead, I'm frightened by what will happen to my body. The thought of it rotting or being left somewhere because...I don't know, maybe I'll be murdered and left in a cornfield, not found for weeks, thats what makes me so terrified. I want to be cremated to prevent that from happening but who knows what will happen...I believe in ghosts and reincarnation, and when I become frightened about being dead I think "well, I must have been dead before, there was a point where I didn't exist" or "I've already died before in past lives, I can do it again." It helps...
  4. Raichupuppy

    Raichupuppy Active Member

    I'm just having a hard time accepting death as a part of life...
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Kaylyn.... I am not here to "proselytise", but many many people have thought long and hard about this subject that affects us all - and the commonly held assumption is that "no-one can know for sure".

    There is an element of truth in that, of course, and various religions have their teachings about what happens. The fact that being dead worries the living so much is the uncertainty that we feel we can have no control over, and for most it's considered a "too big" subject and is tried to be forgotten about while we carry on living.

    However, that's not sufficient for some, and so they look into it a bit further.

    On this side of the equation, we do seem to have something within us that thinks it's going to live forever..... (or maybe that's just me and my insides, but generally people feel afraid of it, as it's so contrary to 'life').

    I personally believe what Jesus Christ said : "He who lives and believes in me shall never die"........... What he means is concerning the inward parts of our personality - when our bodies die, it doesn't mean that everything dies. The bits that are telling us we will always exist are eternal.

    For some reason, there are many who do not want to accept this, and that is their choice. But it is also a choice to look into it a bit further, and to believe it if you want to, too.

    Obviously, the subject of death is going to touch on the area of religion, that's just how it is... I think it's like that for a purpose, as an opportunity to do research etc.
  6. Raichupuppy

    Raichupuppy Active Member

    I just keep trying to tell myself that I'm always dying as I live, and I've been dead before, with life comes death...I guess its the inevitability that frightens me so...
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