Why am I still alive? *triggering*

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by galalleni, Jun 15, 2008.

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  1. galalleni

    galalleni Well-Known Member

    For the past few months I've been wondering why I'm still alive. It seems as though I'm just another blank person without conscious thought or feeling just looking out from a dull and empty persona. I'm not sad or angry, just apathetic, bored and lonely - feeling grey.

    I'm wondering what the point of my struggling/pain/suffering is - why not just cease my existence and avoid living a meaningless life. There is no point to all the running around and trying to get help and working on finding a point when there is none. Just in one of those places I tell myself - but it goes a lot deeper than that - it's to where I have no reason for living.
  2. GaiaMischief

    GaiaMischief Well-Known Member

    Because you believe that there's a small hope that things can improve?

    If not, here's a lyric that usually helps me in situations like this:

    It's about a person who is terminally ill and is lamenting that he is leaving this life and his loved ones will be left behind in anguish. In reality, what keeps me in this world is the people that love me in my family. They believe in me, so I keep on going trying to get better. I also do it for my friends since I know they care about me. You must have someone who cares about you like this.

    Things can get better. You just need to hold onto that hope until these feelings pass.
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Why does there have to be a point? Maybe there is no point. Make one up for yourself. Do something that you enjoy. Maybe running around and getting help isn't the answer. When I first started feeling suicidal I ran like crazy to every kind of help I thought might cure me but it nothing ever really helped until I made changes in my life. Maybe you just need to find something you enjoy doing. Go out and meet someone new. Do something different. :hug:
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Galalleni, I'm sorry you are feeling bad. You do know everyone here are on your side. We want to help you kick those nagative thoughts ass!! You are a good person, I have read your post and know you had to of helped yourself just a little when you were helping others.
    If you get that little spark of hope, then you can help fan it and watch it grow into a positive thought. For every positive thought you have brings you out of that dark pit of despair.
    I hope you keep in mind that your family loves you and that when nothing else helps go yo your family and tell them you need help. You know writing these thoughts down you can see where you need help.I gave my sister my suicide note and she took me to the hospital and they had me enroll with ACT I was in there for three months. I was a mess when I went there. MY thoughts were affecting me phsycally. I was laid up without eating and wasn't sleeping, I was to sick as hell.I slowly started coming around. I don't talk about this much. I hope you can find a little hope for yourself out of what I have told you here...Stay Safe and Stay Strong...:chopper:
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    You have experienced more than most people have to cope with in a lifetime. I am certain that what part of what you are experiencing now is exhaustion. When I'm tired like that I think the best thing we can for ourselves is find time and space to heal. Build up your strength. Eat right, sleep right, and do something special for yourself every day. There are some things you were looking forward to - remember that professor who wants to work with you when you go back to school in the Fall? Could you plan some other things for later in the year to look forward to? Maybe a short trip somewhere? You know what I will say next: yup, hang on. You *will* beat this. Don't let your brain trick you into leaving ahead of your time.
  6. galalleni

    galalleni Well-Known Member

    Thank's GaiaMischief, fromthatshow, Stranger1 and Dazzle,

    I'm going through a bit of a rough patch - sometimes I forget to slow down and remind myself that living one more day is a lot easier than dying. I just wish I didn't have to fight this battle in my head so often - it gets to be very wearing on my soul and I'm sure its wearing on the people around me as well. Right now I'm just living for today - although I know my future will be much more difficult (I have no money for my next semester at college and I'm going to have to start paying on my loans - I don't have the energy to work so I can't pay on my bills coming in). I remind myself suicide is my backup plan - but I'll try to tough out life for as long as I can.
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