Why Am I still Around?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dosFREAK, Dec 14, 2011.

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  1. dosFREAK

    dosFREAK Well-Known Member

    If you remember me from 2006, I am the man who wanted to commit suicide for the longest time, and I am seriously considering it again. I have just part with a friend because I was
    driving and I was getting mad about driving as rain was pouring like nuts and I told him "Andrew, I am not doing this again as the rain is absolutely terrible" and as soon as I got home,
    he had his father pick him up and I have realized what I did wrong, but it was too overwhelming for me, so I am thinking about attempting suicide. I am thinking about hanging myself. He sent me a
    text saying that "I was not meant to be your friend. Do NOT call or text me in any form or fashion ever again, goodbye". I guess all what I am good for is causing people misery, I might as well <edit moderator total eclipse method>, nobody loves me, and I'm better off dead, I wish I would have died in 2006 when I started posting here... I can at least drink away everything that has happened... Apparently torture in both middle and high school is not enough, so I should be punished with more ongoing torture... Life is NOT precious, life is an unnecessary torture best cured with suicide, suicide is the ultimate cure to pain...
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2011
  2. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    It's good to have you back. I'm sorry that you're in such pain.

    Losing a friend is hard, but if your comment was enough to make him end the friendship, i question how true of a friend he really was. To me tolerance, understanding and forgiveness are all vital in a working friendship.

    Anyway, you do have friends at SF, and I hope you consider me one of them. We care.

    Please post again, and let us know how things are today.
  3. dosFREAK

    dosFREAK Well-Known Member

    I am not really doing much better, but thanks for asking. My mother and I are not getting along, and she keeps on saying "This is why your friends don't want to come over" shit and she does not realizing that despite good intentions she may have, she is doing me much more harm than good, and society somehow implies the encouragement of suicide to those who cannot fit the "perfect image" society wants you to create and somehow
    refuses to accept people who are experiencing natural emotions of depression and trauma when shit happens, especially here in the USA where everyone will think you are "crazy" if you talk about being really depressed and suicidal instead of keeping an open mind. I have friends from other countries and they are much more open-minded when I bring up my suicidal issues and actually help me out to sort them, of course this is only my experience/opinion and this is the reason I feel suicidal, my mother is always putting up the angry face thinking she is improving the situation, when she is making it worse, and I have been staying as far away from her
    as I possibly can, but it is horribly difficult to deal with her as she lives with me...
  4. Severijn

    Severijn Well-Known Member

    Maybe this is a bit of a radical idea... but is it maybe an idea to live in an other country if people bother you so much where you now live?

    I am not particularly fond to say the least of modern western culture. I wish I was born in an other age, thousands of years ago. But I had to accept it sooner or later.

    One more thing dosfreak... have you ever tried a Self-Improvement Course, or have you ever done (CBT) therapy? These things can really help.

    Depressions is sometimes (often maybe) the (natural) result of the situation you are in in life. Humans have all kinds of needs... not just wants. If you can somehow get more of your needs filled you'll feel better. Therapy or self-help can help with that.
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