So yesterday I was feeling happier than I had in a while and decided to take control of my situation. I made a dr's appointment for this morning and was all set to get started on finding some help to cope. This morning I woke up, got dressed and left for my appointment. I walked to the dr's surgery, but when I got there I couldn't go in. I stood outside for half an hour before turning around and returning to the house. I now feel like such a failure. I am having a real hard time trying to cope today. Its like the feelings of worthlessness, unimportance and pain have grown immensley in the last 24 hours and I am honestly struggling so hard to find a reason to hold on. If I refuse to help myself live, why should I refuse to help myself die?