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Why are any of us really here?

shattered dreams

My scars are healed, doesnt mean the pain is gone
#1
I'm not even sure where to start, I go back to my childhood, I can remember around age 4/5 we lived near a public pool. this is around 1970 way back to a much more simple way of life.
I can remember walking across the freeway overpass to get to the pool, it cost .25 cents. I also remember the whippings with a horse switch. I have never met my biological father, I only talked to him once and he said to me that I'm not his son. I think this was what began my spiral down.

I grew up with a step dad who would almost always come home from work already drunk, he abused my mom too, I remember getting in the middle of it to protect my mom, it didn't always end good. a few short years later my parents told me that I was going into hospital, I had no idea what I was in for, I was left there for 4 1/2 months and came home only when the insurance ran out. By the time I was 9 or 10 I began cutting, never deep enough to need stiches though. By age 12 I had already been to hospital twice, At 12/13 I began to burn my arms
they were very bad burns, about ten in all and went to hospital again but this time I was tricked into going saying it was only a Dr. appt.


My youth was taken from me, thats just how I remember it. I've always been a loner, I loved motorcycles so much that at 18 I started riding, and during the next few years I owned a total of 8 bikes, The feel of the wind in your face, the feel of freedom to know that you are one with the earth, riding was my drug of choice well except weed..
I'm now older, have grown children, 5 grandchildren, my mind never really stops, many thoughts are always overwhelming me, I've been suicidal for a very long time, I can't trust anyone I know to talk to, I just keep it to myself. When a person becomes hopeless, nothing matters anymore, I think about who I really am, what am I and why am I here, why are any of us here, there's no point to any of it, nothing makes sense anymore.


My mind is thinking all the time, it hardly slows down, everyday is filled with death (just turn on the news ) then there's cancer, what is the point of any of it? I feel like I'm in prison at home and in my car. There's never any end to it until we die.

I'm tired of trying to function as a human, I've lost hope, I've lost purpose I feel like I have no meaning.
 

MosesY

Functioning Alcoholic
#2
Good morning @shattered dreams. I'm sorry you are feeling so down. You can keep posting here and interact with people. People here care about you and want to make you feel better. Your purpose in life is what you make it. You are having a hard time finding purpose because you are depressed right now. Are you under the care of a psychologist and psychiatrist? Sometimes we need medication to bring us out of depression. A lot of people turn to religion to answer the question "why are we here?" Everyone asks that question at some point in their life. Please keep posting here and I hope you feel better soon.
 
#3
Hi @shattered dreams. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad at the moment.

I believe everyone's purpose in life is what you make of it, whether that be attempting to make yourself as happy as possible or trying to achieve some goal. Sometimes, when we are depressed or feeling particularly down, it can be hard to see our purpose. That doesn't mean we have no purpose or our life is pointless. It's like how the sun doesn't disappear on a cloudy day, you might just not be able to see it. I'm sorry you've had such a rough life experience, but that doesn't mean you've got no purpose, and the world is cruel but there is also joy and happiness in the world.

It sounds like you're going through a spate of depression. Have you tried therapy or medication before? A doctor is a good place to start when seeking these treatments.

I hope you can feel better soon. Sending hugs *brohug.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#4
i can't answer the question of why you're here. but i know of what you've done. you have been a good husband and father. you have raised children who in turn have raised children on their own. you have made a positive accomplishment for the world. you help people in SF as i'm sure you do irl. why are you here? to be the good person that you are...mike...*hug*shake
 

shattered dreams

My scars are healed, doesnt mean the pain is gone
#5
i can't answer the question of why you're here. but i know of what you've done. you have been a good husband and father. you have raised children who in turn have raised children on their own. you have made a positive accomplishment for the world. you help people in SF as i'm sure you do irl. why are you here? to be the good person that you are...mike...*hug*shake
TY Mike, I needed to hear that.
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#6
Your purpose from read your post -

Be the kind of parent to your children that you craved and never got when you were younger and be a role model to your grandchildren.

Sorry you are feeling so low, here's hoping to a better day and for now try it avoid the news, it is depressing.
 

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