Why are people so bloody cruel????

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Butterfly, Feb 25, 2015.

  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    This jerk who bullied and abused me back in high school, felt the need to try and add me and message me on facebook. I don't know how he found me, as there are no mutual friends or anything. I just find it really cruel and callous. He had his fun 10 years ago, why does he need to try and make my life hell again now? Especially as I am going through some difficult and intense therapy to try and help me live with the damage he and others caused years ago. I find the timing unbelievable as I am addressing that damage now, and look who pops up. This is the second time this has happened, I had another one of these idiots do the same some time ago. I just wish they would leave me alone :(
     
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Long time ago I went to my 10 year high school reunion

    Bully who used to pick on me until I actually fought him came over acting like we'd been best friends or something

    The mind has a habit of rewriting history after a while I guess

    Time wounds all heels
     
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I was just flabbergasted. When I first got the request I didn't know who it was because I didn't recognise the name, he'd used a different name. It wasn't until I looked at the profile I knew who it was. Then I felt sick and my heart sank. I still to this day believe these bullies/abusers don't realise that they did anything wrong. It's hard to explain without going into detail, but I suspect if I accepted the request, he'd get straight into the most disgusting and vile sex talk you'll ever witness in your life.
     
  4. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Super sorry to hear of this disaster! I hope that you're able to process it properly, and take it for what it is--as opposed to giving it more power than it deserves. I don't know what I'd do if I were you? Probably do my best to move on and ignore it: forget it; which is not too supremely simple given the history. But don't let him get to you... You're the winner now, and it clearly sounds like he is the loser. So screw him-
     
  5. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I agree. Don't give it more power than it deserves. I had the same experience in school and you're right, they have absolutely no idea that what they did was wrong. It was a joke to them. All the cool, popular kids were doing it to impress each other and if you joined in, you were considered cool and popular too. That's exactly why they did it, because I noticed that when it was just one of them in the same room with me they didn't say a word and just minded their own business. But when it was 2 of them or more, they did it again. So yeah, just a bunch of immature assholes trying to fit in and be cool. But it's okay, cause the "skater" kids probably ended up being coke or smack heads anyway, the jocks either got their dreams of getting into college football crushed or pump themselves up full of steroids to keep it going, and the popular girls probably either gained weight or have like 2-3 baby daddies who want nothing to do with them. Just think of it that way, and ignore the bastards.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Wish I could answer your question but I can't. As you know we are approx the same age and were both bullied around 10 years ago so I can relate. I confronted one of my bullies and he acted like he did nothing wrong, even denied what he did to my face, it was like he was pretending to suffer from frigging amnesia. I called him some not so nice names and I don't condone violence at all but was so angry I threatened him. He ran away from me. I sometimes think these bullies forget we do grow up. We're not the shy little girls we once were. I feel for you :hug: chin up :)
     
  7. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I experienced very different kinds of bullying.

    My problem at my first secondary was that I wasn't a shy little girl. I was too grown up and went to a school where white's were the ethnic minority. The Asian lads I went to school with thought all white girls were sl*ts and I was subject to racial and constant sexual harassment and groping. I was followed and constantly harassed for sex, blow jobs etc and I used to get cornered in the corridor and had my ass slapped and groped, boobs groped and had my vagina groped. This guy in particular cornered me in an empty classroom and *insert graphic content here* a teacher walked in and literally threw him out of the class room. There wasn't much she could do at the time because it was in summer school so not in term time and it didn't even register to contact the police because this was normal for me.

    Then when I moved schools, I was already very depressed and I was quite quiet and shy. I also had a different accent to everybody else so it made me an easy target and was subject to name calling and some of the boys did things like push me, shout in my face, pull my hair. On my first week at that school I had some girl pour a bottle of coke in my hair. Eventually after severe mental health problems the bullying was sorted out by the school but it was at great cost to my health. Then just before I left school I had a fall out with somebody and then this person in particular wasn't a problem, but her friends started to become a problem and they made up a fake person and they would send me texts and phonecalls saying they were going to find me and rape me and kill me I eventually went to the police and it was dealt with. Silly little bitch concerned cried like a baby.

    I believe the guy concerned has no idea that he has done wrong which is why he's adding me on facebook like nothing has happened. He was brought up to believe that white girls are sl*ts and sinful so that's why he behaves the way he behaves.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That is horrifying but what the most important thing here is that you survived through this with an excellent education and now you have an excellent job. I wonder what they are doing? nothing I bet. Luckily I was in an all girls school, a convent school. Most of the bullying done to me was on the bus by older bitches. Teachers called me names, guys used me for sex. Oh god just writing that is hard so I'm gonna get back on topic. They are wasters and have probably done nothing good for anyone else in the past 10 years. I am glad you went to the police with that one incident, well done. It just annoys me how they pretend like nothing happened, like they didn't have a negative effect on you. F~ck them. Could it be possible that this person wanted to apologise?

    You are an amazing person, maybe the bullying made you into the sweet girl you are now. In my internet life I look up to you, you are a good influence. I am really sorry for all that is happening , try and get the most from your therapy sessions :)
     
  9. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I doubt it is to apologise. I made the mistake twice of adding one guy on msn a few years ago who had taken advantage of me and the first thing he did was talk about sex. Nothing about the fact he had violated me, was sorry or anything or apologising for telling the entire school I'd had sex with him. He was more interested in my sex life, then he started sending me dirty pics and videos. I blocked him but then a year or so later he added me on facebook and I stupidly accepted his request. Same thing happened so I blocked and deleted. This guy who has added me now is still sitting in my request box with me yet to respond. The sane part of me is screaming block and delete, but part of me is curious to see what he has to say, but I know it will all go downhill so once this unsettled feeling dies down I will decline the request and block.

    I have struggled with this, because apart from on here, I have NEVER spoken about the sexual harassment to anyone before, so trying to get my head around it and discuss it in therapy has been extremely difficult. And then he pops up and it makes it 10x harder. I'm sure after a few days the feeling will settle down a bit and some sense will enter my head.

    I don't really feel like I am a sweet girl. I am very cynical, blunt and horrible at the moment, even my friends at work have noticed how vile I have been, but I can't help it. Must engage brain before I open my mouth maybe lol.
     
  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    It's weird how people who do things like this don't see their actions as wrong. Apparently they think they can do whatever they want and that it won't affect anyone. I would just avoid people like this as much as possible, and just block them out of your life. I haven't had any bullies contact me yet, but I know it wouldn't sit well with me either, especially if they don't see their actions as unacceptable.
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Well...I think you are a sweet girl but also someone that is well able to stand up for herself :) I would decline the request, I don't think any good could come from it. Concentrate on who you have become from all this and get stronger and get the most out of your therapy sessions even if they are very hard :hug:
     
  12. Best advice is to.decline, block him and move on. You Dont owe them anything, and letting them get back into your mind is no good for you.
    whatever his reasons, be it ignorance, genuine remorse, or looking to stir, dont bother.
     
  13. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    Maybe he wants to apologize. I did.