I've been thinking, why am I on this earth for? Why am I the only one suffering when around me in real life there are plenty of people who have a reason to be alive, who want to be alive? People who wake up every day and smile, happy with their lives? I drag myself to school and back, I study my ass off but it's not working, my grades are still mediocre and I still get the same grades as people who hang out going clubbing every night. I try so hard but the people who don't even try seem to be even happier. I want to not care, but I can't. It's like a vicious cycle I can't get out of. I try to socialize but somehow I just can't fit in, I don't feel comfortable most of the time. But then when I think about it there's not many people I'd want to fit in irl with. I'm lonely but there's not a damn thing I can do about it because in their eyes, I'll always be a nerdy weird individual. I know that the only way I can stop these feelings is to distract myself from them, but sometimes it's just way too hard to keep trying... I just want to make it all go away.