Why are you alive today?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by DebraK, Dec 24, 2013.

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  1. DebraK

    DebraK New Member

    I did not commit suicide today .. or all the days before, though I really really wanted to. I don't want hurt the people who love me. My husband does not want to be left alone. And most pressing, I fear what consequences there may be spiritually. If I could just get past these three issues, I could set myself free.

    Instead I am sleeping 16 hrs a day. Were it not for my husband and dogs, I would happily just stay in bed 24/7 except to get up to eat sometimes.

    I have seen therapists, I have tried all the drugs even half way appropriate. I simply am not able to maintain a positive state of mind.

    I wish I could ask how others have gotten beyond the three issues that plaque me, but that would mean they are no longer alive....

    Does any of this sound familiar to anyone else?

    DebraK
     
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi Debra. welcome back to sf. For me, there also are things that keep me alive. I can list them.
    First, there are my spiritual beliefs. They do play a role in knowing it would not be wise for me to leave of my own volition.
    There is what I have been told is a sort of built in survival instinct with the human body. It is programmed to want to survive.
    There is fear of death. While I long to be free, I also forget what it is like to not be in a human form. And so I fear it.
    Then there is the knowing it would cause others suffering.
    I cannot give you any personal info re succeeding in getting beyond the obstacles listed above. I can just comment on my own expereinces with the things that prevent me from leaving of my own violition.
     
  3. ronnymarie

    ronnymarie Guest

    I think I’ve stayed alive through some of the dark times for the same reasons you have. If I ended my life it would destroy my husband, my son and my dad, all of whom depend on me. Also, I have two kitties that need to be looked after. In addition, I also consider the spiritual aspect.

    But for me, I’m not in the place all the time, and I’m trying to keep from going there as easily as I do.

    I sure hope you can find a way to feel better, and start living because it’s what you want to do, not because you feel you have to. You deserve to feel better.
     
  4. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    It is unnatural to take one's own life. I guess that is good. Otherwise I would not be here. But I think most of us want to live. We just want things to be better. And we really don't know if death is better. That spiritual thing again.
     
  5. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    for me there are 3 main things:

    1. the saying in my signature: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
    I have that on a plaque on a wall behind my pc. i dont know, i guess i'm a bit selfish because after everythign i've been through, i think i deserve to see/experience each and every one of those moments that are so GOOD they take my breath away

    2. most the things i've been through in life, i have had to go through alone. i dont wish that on anyone... and so when i see/hear of someone that has been or is going through things similar to my pains, i try to help them cope with it... in a strange way that act helps me too because sometimes things i think of to help them i hadn't thought of for myself so its something for me to try too, and other times, just sharing with them how i can relate to them, helps me to just release a bit of the hurt i still carry, thereby heal a bit more

    3. no matter if you think you are important or not, you make an impact every time someone glances your way, talks to you, or interacts with you... and those impacts make small changes in that other person which then go on to make more changes in the people they interact with and so on.... this world needs a lot of changing, so i guess even on my crappiest days, maybe i can make a lil difference... and if you end that too soon, the changes you coulda made, no longer exist so the world is a lil less rich because of that... its a weird/strange reason i guess, but i do hope that even though i know the world will never be perfect, that maybe we can work toward it being better, but we cant do that if we give up too soon, and stop making impacts...
     
  6. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    honestly?

    because next year their's going to be new episodes of downton abby, and that, is it- but i'm so in love with that show... i can't miss it for the world

    and because of my music, i guess.. their's always new music being released, new artists to discover, but i don't really get joy from that as i once did
     
  7. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel Well-Known Member

    Hi emily - new episodes of Downton next year? How about tomorrow night??!!
     
  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Who knows? I have absolutely no reason to be here. So I have no idea why I still am.
     
  9. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member



    that would be nice wouldn't it?

    somehow magic series 5 to me tomorror.

    call it like a dog

    " here, downton!. stay!". lol
     
  10. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel Well-Known Member

    emily - you did know there was an Xmas episode, right?!! That's what I was referring to.
     
  11. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member



    *sighs*. no, i didn't!. and i can kick myself now because their's always a christmas special of downton... i should have known without even lookig at the tv skedule or being reminded

    ah well... what happened?. when is it being repeated?. (if at all?)
     
  12. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

  13. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel Well-Known Member

    Yeah emily, I'm sure you can see it on the itvplayer, and it must be out on DVD already.

    If not, and you would like a summary - or you would simply like to argue over who is the best character - PM me!
     
  14. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I'm not. This is just my ghost. Shh!
     
  15. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Well, ditto that. No one seems to know I exist anymore, or maybe I never did to begin with.
     
  16. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    witty, I have been isolating a lot. Even here. Not posting on peoples v messages. But I want you to know that I know you exist. And that means a lot to me. :hug:

    MisterBGone, I know you exist. For sure you do. Amazing how people who have such good hearts ( one per person) often can feel so ignored and invisible. eg Witty and you. And so many others here on this thread and at sf.
     
  17. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Thanks, flowers. :hug: I think nice people are often taken for granted, or taken advantage of, and then we are left feeling worthless, or empty. But I'm choosing not to feel that way anymore, and I'm going to try to make positive changes in my life.
     
  18. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I am alive today because I am afraid to kill myself, and because I still foolishly cling to help that things will get better.
     
  19. George Bailey

    George Bailey Active Member

    because I deserve to suffer a little longer plus im not exactly looking forward to the eternal punishment of hell.
     
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