Why are you feeling suicidal-thread?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LillMy8989, Nov 21, 2012.

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  1. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    I have trouble with everything I lay my hands on, + much more. I thought I was blessed but I had a far more worse life in my before-life and now it has doomed me.
    I am suicidal because Im druged on meds and theirs no future when you feel bad.

    what is your story...?
     
  2. NiceGuYKC

    NiceGuYKC Well-Known Member

    I feel suicidal mainly because I'm single and unloved. I'm blessed with having loads of great online and real life friends. I adore them so much, and for now they keep me going.
    I just crave being loved more than anything else. I'd love to experience it just one more time, before I take my life.
     
  3. hi my name is

    hi my name is Well-Known Member

    Why am I so damn suicidal? I know too much, and too little. Plus I can't stand seeing so many people suffering at these fucking factory jobs. So many people pretending to be happy, I can't stand watching people pretend to be happy when I know they are suffering.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 21, 2012
  4. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I am suicidal because of being inferior and different from everyone else. For as long as I can remember, I have been isolated inside my home, wasting my life on videogames and computers. I have always frequently went out for work, school, shopping, eating, etc. But because of my videogame, computer, TV, etc. addictions, I have missed out on so much that everyone else has done. For instance, never joined clubs or organizations, extracurricular activites, never had a girlfriend, never went to prom, never went to clubs or bars, never traveled by myself. I've been so isolated but also coddled by my parents as well. They have been my "peers" for so long, instead of people my own age like everyone else when they turn into teenagers.

    So my life may just be going to school, coming home and staying isolated, and now going to work, coming home and staying isolated, etc. My daily routine is extremely boring and simple. My depression has been long-term and deep seated. I also feel because of long term isolation, there is no way I can ever become a normal person in society ever again. The damage from being isolated from mainstream society has been long-term, very strong and I'm sure irreversible.
     
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    The worst of the suicidal comes up because I do not have loved ones who really care. I am agoraphobic. And because I have to hide a huge part of who I am. Even online. I sent a happy thanksgiving ecard to many people. Including my brother. I got notification that he got it. But he did not respond. I sent a message to my kids. Sending love on thanksigving. They did not respond. Until the following day. Then they wished me a happy thanksgiving. On friday. No one honestly would even know if I died. Nor would they miss me when they finally found out. In truth, no one really cares.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 23, 2012
  6. stormfront

    stormfront Member

    From the outside, everything looks great. I have two kids, one grown and in college and she'll graduate with a medical degree. The other is younger but also shows signs of higher intelligence. I've been married for over 20 years to a Christie Brinkley look-a-like who loves me to death.

    But when depression hits, it clouds everything. Right now I'm so badly in debt that I feel I'm ready to fall off a financial cliff. I've had too many money disasters in the past and they've all accumulated (car repairs, house repairs, etc). Many I've been able to do myself, too - but it all seems to still catch up. Its like, "ok, I saved $300 doing the brakes myself, yet the next week something ELSE will come up and I'm off to the mechanic where it will cost me $500 to fix something completely different". My house needs major repairs. Its not like we're behind or upside down, either - we have a decent amount of equity, but we're desperately trying not to use it because we want a nicer house next year. But I'm shelling out over $1500/m on credit cards and loans alone and I can't take on any more. I'm trying to make a car with 150k miles run forever, another car with 140k is barely able to start every morning, and Xmas is coming up. I'm working 50+ hours a week and I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. I'm living paycheck to paycheck and one missed check will send me on a spiral of doom.

    This happened to me several years ago and the stress got to me to the point where I was admitted for two weeks in a mental health clinic. Back then I had a job with great benefits, so that stay and my leave were covered. Not at my new job. Although I make a few $$$$ more, any time off will be deducted from my check and the medical plan sucks, so I'll be responsible for the stay - which was $6000 last time. If I'm gonna spend that much, I'm going on a cruise.

    I need to have a car to work. Wife needs a car to work. Roof literally blew off house due to hurricane Sandy and insurance won't cover it. And here I am trying to figure a way to pay all my bills and have SOMETHING left over for the kids to have an enjoyable Christmas. My family won't help out, their mentality is, "you got yourself into this financial mess, get yourself out". Its true, though - my wife had a great paying job and we were living high on the hog, I didn't worry about a single thing because our incomes combined helped pay everything off. But she lost her job and had to take something half the salary and now its killing us.

    Nearly 40k in debt. Living check to check. One missed check from losing it all. Two cars that are barely running - every morning its a gamble if they will start. I know its a matter of time before one completely dies. And Christmas is right around the corner.

    Nervous breakdown, here I come.
     
  7. imsosad

    imsosad Active Member

    Too many deaths in my family, never seems to stop. What's one more? Off work, barely cope with everyday stress, complete meltdown when something extra comes up, which is often. My daughter could care less if I'm here or not, totally prefers her Dad, hates her little brother and generally tells me how she hates living here and how her life is so bad because it's all about me. My Mom has alzheirmer's and it's getting worse and worse. She was an amazing Mom, wife, friend...always there to help out, bake, make a costume for school, whatever. Could remember every client of my Dad's business, address and phone number off the top of her head. Now she doesn't remember her own house, our names, how to go to the bathroom...she was at my house for dinner last night and couldn't get one coherent sentence out. If I manage still be here when she passes, that's it. I will not go through the same thing and I will not put my family through that. She has said in the past she would be better off dead and she's right. That sounds horrible but I believe it. I have trouble remembering things and concentrating, the drs say it's from the depression but what if it's not? I don't think there is any definitive test until it's in the later stages and really if there was and they confirmed it in me, I'd drive off a bridge on the way home.

    The world is better off without someone who thinks it's better if their Mom is dead and that would leave the family she loves. I'm just not that strong anymore.
     
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