Why are you so far away?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Entity, Sep 30, 2011.

  1. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    When I was younger, my brother and I were super close, we talked about everything, were together all the time, and no matter what we were there for each other. Today, when i glance down the dark empty hall of our relationship, the light is shattered, the spiders have created mansions, and the floor has a few feet of dust gathered up.

    I love you. Well, I did love you. Now, I don't know if i do or not. I love you because you're my brother, but i don't love you for the person you've become. I can't tell you how uneasy I am about losing you. I can't tell you how much I miss you when you're not around. I can't tell you that I can't wait to talk to you, but when I do, I just end up crying every time the phone hangs up.
    I miss you. I miss who my brother used to be, not some weird robot boy who doesn't care about anything until he needs something. That's the only time I hear from, or see you.
    I can't tell you how much that hurts me, because you'll just get mad. I'm scared. I'm so scared of your anger. I'm scared of being thrown into the pile of dust you've allowed to collect in our relationship.
    So when I called you today, just to talk, and you called me back hours later saying that you were busy watching a show. It hurts me. Makes me feel less important than T.V. Especially when we hadn't talked in so long. You called me back just minutes before you go to work. I tell you of some minor troubles I had and you weren't even listening, just talking to your fiancee. Then I cry and you don't understand. I don't even understand.

    I know you don't care, but i want you to so badly. So i contact you, but it always just ends in despair.

    Is there any concern or regard for me any longer?

    Am I just a driftwood in your ocean?

    I miss you, Kyle. I miss you terribly. One day, I hope you find your way back into the light. But for now, my hand's held out awaiting the opportunity to pull you up.

    Please come back and help me clean our hallway. Tell me you still love me. Get to know me. Don't leave me. That's all I ask..please don't leave me, dear brother, don't leave the family we tried so desperately to hold together. Please.
  2. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Hello Katie I feel your pain,its sad to lose someone close I know only too well. My bro has a cocaine habit and schizophrenia so I lost him yrs ago. All you can do is be there and hopefully you will get him back in your life and will get to rebuild your relationship. Take care/mark
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I too know how it feels to loose someone like that hun but know he will come back hun he will see how much he has missed and will reach out to you again hugs to you
  4. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    I just get so worked up when I hear his voice again, I'm not sure if I'm angry at him or overjoyed to tears or upset that it's been so long, or a combination there of.
    It's weird to tell him anything. He gets so mad. His anger is always getting the best of him. His fiancee's been hurt a few times, I don't know what to do with him. I don't know how to help him. I just don't know.

    I want to be able to just magically fix it, but i know I can't and it's so hard for me to understand.
  5. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I can't even imagine what that is like for you, Katie. Hugs to you from the southern USA. *hug*
  6. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    Did he get into drugs or something that made him distant. The same thing has kind of happened to my brother. I don't think we were ever super close, but I don't like the person he has become. He's rude and an a**whole. But he has moments when he's like an angel.
  7. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    No, he didn't get into drugs; he's actually really against drugs. He drinks a lot, but most of the distance is just because of the unresolved mental problems he's been holding inside for years. His state of apathy is also growing at a extraordinary rate. It doesn't even seem to faze him that the things he does or says hurts other people or is morally wrong in any way. Almost like he doesn't know, but he does and if I try to help him or talk to him about something that he's struggling with he turns on me and becomes an angry monster full of rage and complete and utter hatred for everything within a close proximity.
  8. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Life's a cage fight; a battle to keep your head above the water. You can't expect him to always be there for you. He's got things going on too. I feel sorry for you but all relationships inevitably change. Some in small ways. Others in larger ways. I don't know what to say. People change. This happens whether a person is making good choices or bad choices. It happens to everyone.