i was with friends yesterday for the first time in 3 weeks, and it was horrific. the entire time i just wanted to be at home all alone. i tried being happy and friendly, and i really thought i was doing a good job, until a few things happened that changed the way i was feeling. first, my friend received a call from this person whom i wouldn't consider a friend, but more like a well known acquaintance. the guy is a dead beat. he is a druggie, no education, and no employment history. he asks my friend "what are you doing" my friend replies, "just chilling with akram, and (then he hesitates) uhh adam or whatever" (me.) this always happens when im with friends, someone will call them, they will tell them that they are with me reluctantly because the people they are talking to don't respect me, for reasons i cant help. then im in a bad mood and want to go home, so i tell my friend to give me a ride, and he says wait. so i wait, 3-4 more hours. now because i cant drive do to my blindness, i begin getting even more depressed, only now im getting very angry, feeling the rage build up. in typical fashion, i was feeling sorry for myself, thinking "well if i wasnt disabled i would be able to just drive myself home and not have to rely on this person." so basically now i start to fantasize driving my foot down his throat, when I'm supposed to be there as a brotherly friend. when we finally left his house, we were in his car when the two of them came up with the idea to play street hockey, naturally i was in no mood to do so. eventually one of them said "why are being such a joykill?" then i got upset and said "why the fuck would anything i do make you feel that way." then my other friend said "think about it, we are trying to have a good time and we are supposed to put up with this very quiet and sad person" i then said "im supposed to change my personality for you?" then he just shut up and didnt reply. it pisses me off, they want me to enjoy the fact that i had to wait there while they sat infront of a tv for a total of 5 hours (i never watch tv so you can imagine how bored i was, and to top it off i had offered to play street hockey and they bother said they didnt feel like it), then when they feel like doing something im supposed to be all enthused about it otherwise im a joykill. fucking ****s, i wanna kill them. that was my aimless rant.