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"why are you such a joykill?"

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ripx, Jul 8, 2008.

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  1. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    i was with friends yesterday for the first time in 3 weeks, and it was horrific. the entire time i just wanted to be at home all alone. i tried being happy and friendly, and i really thought i was doing a good job, until a few things happened that changed the way i was feeling. first, my friend received a call from this person whom i wouldn't consider a friend, but more like a well known acquaintance. the guy is a dead beat. he is a druggie, no education, and no employment history. he asks my friend "what are you doing" my friend replies, "just chilling with akram, and (then he hesitates) uhh adam or whatever" (me.) this always happens when im with friends, someone will call them, they will tell them that they are with me reluctantly because the people they are talking to don't respect me, for reasons i cant help.

    then im in a bad mood and want to go home, so i tell my friend to give me a ride, and he says wait. so i wait, 3-4 more hours. now because i cant drive do to my blindness, i begin getting even more depressed, only now im getting very angry, feeling the rage build up. in typical fashion, i was feeling sorry for myself, thinking "well if i wasnt disabled i would be able to just drive myself home and not have to rely on this person." so basically now i start to fantasize driving my foot down his throat, when I'm supposed to be there as a brotherly friend. when we finally left his house, we were in his car when the two of them came up with the idea to play street hockey, naturally i was in no mood to do so. eventually one of them said "why are being such a joykill?" then i got upset and said "why the fuck would anything i do make you feel that way." then my other friend said "think about it, we are trying to have a good time and we are supposed to put up with this very quiet and sad person" i then said "im supposed to change my personality for you?" then he just shut up and didnt reply.

    it pisses me off, they want me to enjoy the fact that i had to wait there while they sat infront of a tv for a total of 5 hours (i never watch tv so you can imagine how bored i was, and to top it off i had offered to play street hockey and they bother said they didnt feel like it), then when they feel like doing something im supposed to be all enthused about it otherwise im a joykill. fucking ****s, i wanna kill them.

    that was my aimless rant.
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Why do you hang out with these people if you have no common interests? Usually people tend to want to hang out with people with whom they have something in common, so in this situation, you didn't really want to be there, which was obvious, and you apparently don't like doing anything they enjoy doing and vice versa, which would explain why you don't get along with each other very well.
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sounds like you need some new friends. These people don't seem to respect you for who you are, nor do they have your best intentions in mind. I am sorry they treat you this way. It is not fair to you, but it is their loss if they drive you away.
  4. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    we used to have common interests. we have been friends for a decade now, but ever since he started smoking marijuana, thats all he ever wants to do. plus, i no longer enjoy the things i once did.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    People change as experiences change and sometimes they have to move on away from each other. Maybe this is the time for you to do that.
  6. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I agree with Gentlelady here. I know you've been friends for a long time, but it sounds like you have grown apart and it may be time for you to start hanging out with people who share your interests.
  7. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    i wish i could make new friends.
  8. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    And you can. You may need to get out of your comfort zone a bit, but it will be worth it. Just be friendly and open to new people. You don't always have to be stuck with these people just because you've known them for so long.
  9. Blueberry

    Blueberry Active Member

    Yeah -- making new friend is possible. I've gone to a couple classes at the rec center -- it was easy to talk with people because we were working on stuff together.

    I think it's slightly abusive to say "Why are you such a joy-kill?"

    My mom used to always say -- "You're no fun."

    But, I was no fun because I was always miserable around her!! She was very controlling and emotionally abusive/absent. But, it really hurt to hear that.

    I think that around people who'd company you enjoy, you'd be more comfortable and be lots of fun. Fun is in the eye of the beholder!

    Also, waiting for 4 hours while people watch boring TV is sure to put anyone in a dark mood.

    I say -- give em the boot! Time to get out there and do your own thing around a different class of people!
  10. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    It's a sad fact that nobody likes you when you're down and out. You've had these friends for a long time and I have a feeling you don't really want to totally get rid of them, maybe just need them to not be so insensitive, which sounds like they'd have a hard time doing since they're high all the time. It sounds too like your friend (who you were hanging out first) is changing due to bad influences. Perhaps he needs a good friend right now too, but that's besides the point. I agree too that maybe it's time to meet new people. Others who you can relate to. You don't have to break all ties with your old friends (unless you want to), but people do change and it's better that you have friends you can feel happy and comfortable around and who can be there for you when you're not happy or comfortable rather than call you a joykill and disrespect you.
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