Why attract bad people to hurt further........

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by lelantgirl, May 29, 2013.

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  1. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Why is it that if you have been abused as a child, you go on to be abused as adults and hurt?
    I dont go round with a tatoo on my forhead saying 'hurt me, use me' but people do.
    Even people I am close to who HATE and ABHOR what others have done to me only end up hurting me too, it makes no sense to me.
    I mean as a kid wasn't just one abuser NO several, then every r-ship been in ended nasty or I was simply used and one was very abusive sexually, verbally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.............. surely we dont attract these types? I dont get it.
    My best male friend who I love so dearly (even more than a friend) has been leading me on and now realise it I am shocked, angry and let down cos he was the one who said dont mix with wrong types, stick to those who care, blah blah blah, yet he just seems to be using me now.

    I have reverted back deeply into my little girl and she is so vulnerable again now and doesn't want to come out of hiding, its not safe.
  2. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    I'm sorry to hear this, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone. I myself am a victim of sexual abuse, as well as being a victim of being emotional abuse/verbally and took me for granted. Overtime I grew lots of anger and sadness over the years. Not sure why we attract these kind of people, but I've read something about it recently. It seems as we are somehow attracted to people who are abusive cause were used to this kind of treatment.

    Over the years I noticed I went through a lot of horrible men who were always out to hurt me or abuse me in some way. It's hard but I know you can attract other good people in your life. As for your best male friend, try to avoid him cause he will only hurt you further. Try looking into self help books for abused woman. I've read quite a few and it's helped me break away from attracting these horrible people into my life. My pm box is always open if you ever want to vent or have someone to talk too. And to be honest with you, I could use a friend to talk too myself. I'm here and listening. :hug:
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I used to think I had a neon sign over my head, but with age I've come to realise predators somehow hone in on the vunerability that comes from being abused as a child.
    The thing to do, is sort out you!
    Forget the whole relationship thing and work on yourself, until you come to terms with what happened in the past; you are doomed to repeat it.
    It can be done, I'm living proof that one can move on from a bad childhood.
    Not saying you are suddenly shiney and new, but you can heal and in healing, learn self respect and how to stand up for yourself.
    We kind of get the treatment we allow others to dish out, and until you feel you are worth more and expect more, people will keep dishing it.
  4. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Thanks BlueWeepingRose. I have a whole bookshelf on self help/recovery abuse help books and read them all, I get so far into journey then it all goes backwards. I just think am better off alone in the world as just dont know who to trust even those few who thought I could.
    My male friend says Its not healthy that I want to feel needed or to be needed in this world, well thats an odd thing to say cos thought people were social creatures and being part of one anothers lives, being wanted, needed was what made the world go round? if thats the case everyone should stay alone and not interact.
    Its a shame I have to avoid him cos he means so much to me, but obviously he thinks I am string round his neck.
    I dont know what to do anymore and regards healing been at it over 20 years and just as think getting there I'm almost back where I started.
    I have been abused as a child by several people and also in adulthood and its true we seem to give off something that attracts abusers/bad people to us, cant work out what it is, but obviously we do. I hate myself so much and only person who ever truly loved and understood me (my mum) died last year, am so lost without her.
    I am better off going, have multiple health problems and cant get on in life cos of them very well and everyone just screws me up so whats the point anyway?
    If you need to chat as you said you'd like to then yes feel free to Message me privately, although we are overpopulated, its such a lonely world.
    Thanks for replying xx
  5. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    My therapist said that in these cases we choose those people unintentionally by some sort of mechanism we formed, we only like and want to get close to people who can hurt/harm us in the same way we know very well, therapist advice was to choose in my life people I would generally consider boring or the total opposite of those you talk about, just to see how it goes.

    And something I noticed on myself: if those people dont hurt me (because they are different), then I end up doing something to make them hurt me, to follow the same pattern I am used to. Understanding this was a first stept to stop for me, but it still happens, and I dont know I did it until its too late to change anything.
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    For me, I feel that I deserve to be treated badly because I was never really treated well...so I wouldn't know the difference anyway. But no one deserves to be treated that way, and we just need to try to break out of that cycle.
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