Why bother anymore? I'm done

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TerrapinStation, Jan 17, 2010.

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  1. TerrapinStation

    TerrapinStation Well-Known Member

    I know im new and no one cares but I've had it. Unlike some of the people here, I've known love, perfect love that lasted 15 years (half my life) She was my best friend and my girl, and most recently my fiance. A week or so ago I met her boyfriend (while she and I were engaged) I dont even want to entertain the idea of someone else. Had a dinner date lined up for tonight with someone wonderful, told her I was sick. Have lost 7 friends to heroin overdoses in the past 12 months, i have no money or way of getting any, I live at home at age 32 due to said poverty and I'm useless to anyone. I've got several grams of (method) and a fresh pack of works. See ya.
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    :hug: I'm sorry life is hard right now...I dont really know what to say but I think you shouldn't kill yourself...right now it seems like there's nothing worth it but in a little while things will get better...

    please keep talking to us
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey if you kept a relationship that long then you can do it again. Keep yourself straight and stable maybe a better soul mate is out there someone Clean up a bit and go searching instead of doing what your doing.
  4. TerrapinStation

    TerrapinStation Well-Known Member

    Yes, women chase after 32 year old broke junkies that live at home. My personality or appearance are not the problems, it's the simple facts of my existence.
    If i quit H tomorrow, i'd still be unemployed w/no way to get a job (no car, live in boonies, no public transport) and still stuck at home at my age. At least middlemanning here and there keeps me in pocket cash. But it doesn't matter.
  5. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    You have lost 7 friends to heroine doses you say? Thats 7 more friends then I have. Thats very tragic, you really lost 7 friends in 12 months?

    How does make you feel? Were they close?

    You have ther personality and appearance to get a woman. The only thing you say you don't have is money. Do you realize how much fucking easier it is to get money vs changing your appearance / personality?

    The world is experiencing a recession, I don't know where you live but your unemployment may not be attributed to yourself. Heroine is a very hard drug, you need to stop takin it, and to stop selling it.

    You lost 7 friends to it, don't you see how powerful the drug is? Do you realize and fully understand the consequences of abusing the drug? Of overdosing on it?

    What was your last job? Have you considered a career change? Perhaps getting a certificate in something that is currently in demand. If you can give yourself a shot of herione you might want to consider becoming a nurses aid. Good money, stable job.

    Are you activley seeking work?
  6. TerrapinStation

    TerrapinStation Well-Known Member

    Don't think I haven't tried. But its too late, I'm too far in, so time to get out.
  7. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    It's a terrible way to go, and alot of pain you've suffered...
    I really wish that no one had to live this way- and that there was something that I could do to help, but when you're in the place you're in now- things seem unreachable, don't they?

    Things can get better- but everything takes time.
    I do wish you the best Terrapin.
  8. TerrapinStation

    TerrapinStation Well-Known Member

    Should I call the girl I had my date with and reschedule? I really don't even want to think about life without my love who also happened to be my best friend, but i guess she's fine without me..
    Only problem is to pay for the date I will have to, well, you know.
    But, it seems like it might be worth it? She's fun, beautiful, at worst we'd make great friends or friends w/benefits
    We're going out to celebrate me quitting intravenous cocaine, and I feel like a piece of shit because i fucked up and shot 2 grams of coke last night.

    But i think she'd be good for me, I just dont want to ruin her. At least my ex was an addict too, she ruined herself, it wasnt my doing (although i admit to feeling like I'm exacting a little revenge for the horrid meeting her bf experience every time i stop by and take her money)

    Am I a horrible person, or just in a horrible place and doing nasty things because I HAVE to, at least for themoment?
  9. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I think that your thought process is a bit messed up at the moment. We all have times where up seems like it's down and down looks like up.

    It sounds to me that if you're willing to try- and enthusiastic about this girl; you should definitely give it a shot!
    If you can't fix yourself for yourself then maybe having someone to fix yourself for will help, right?
  10. TerrapinStation

    TerrapinStation Well-Known Member

    Shit, tomorrow i'm picking up my take home <Mod Edit, Irishdoll: Methods> Going to take everything I have and then some to use them as Rx'd, not as a method...........fuck. Can't just not get them, I'll get horribly sick and possily die from the withdrawals.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2010
  11. TerrapinStation

    TerrapinStation Well-Known Member

    more news and it all sucks dick
  12. TerrapinStation

    TerrapinStation Well-Known Member

    But I made it thru today w/o trying to die. Did i use? Of course I did. Was it sucidal use? No.
    I'm gonna hang on for my Wednesday date at least, and the fact I'm getting money tomorrow. If i keep giving myself little things to stay alive for..........
  13. TerrapinStation

    TerrapinStation Well-Known Member

    and tonight, my ex that broke my heart was calling me all night begging me to take her back. As much as i want her back, im afraid she just wants to play more games. I Could NOT handle that
  14. dzd

    dzd Well-Known Member

    Hang in there, don't kill yourself.
    Don't get back with your ex if you think she just wants to play games.
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