I realized why i'm constantly depressed. I'm alone. Perpetually a "group of one". I am white, and I am male and I am intelligent which means that: to minorities I am the issue, the oppressor, the one with privilege. to women I am again the oppressor, schrodinger's rapist, the one with privilege. to other men I am competition. For women, for jobs, for breathable air. to the religious I am the god-hating and devil worshiping atheist. to the conservatives I am too smart to be one of them because I just cannot act that stupid. to the racists I am their worst enemy, a white man that does not want to hate. Nobody trusts me. Nobody wants me on their side. And nobody understands that is all I really want in life. It drives every single decision I make. And yet after 30 years I am no closer to that goal today than I was then. I do not consider the liberals or the atheists to actually be "groups". Because they do not act like them. (A "Unitarian Church" is about a cohesive as mixing pure sodium and water) Nor are meetups, social groups, or other "popularity contest" groups actual "groups with base commonalities. These are merely acquaintances by common interest, When do you finally give up hope because the game is rigged and just throw in the towel?