I'm way beyond crisis now. I'm hoping to be gone soon. I hate living/existing. Don't even know what more to say, now. I'm told by 3 people, I''m loved. All I have left is GOD. He is breaking me down. God often brings you to your knees, if order to well be better to serve him. I was praying all night now. 2 guys were also praying for me. I'm waiting back to hear from my lady friend. She should be about done with my shit pretty damn soon, and I wouldn't blame her one bit. I'm reaching out for help, just this one time only. Then, I'll STFU about it. Now see why I push people away. I'm not sure there is hope for me. I am saved. God will forgive me to taking my life, he told me so. Disagree, agree, I don't care much. Any advice for the remainder of time on the Godforsaken earth? Only Music for me, and, well, booze. Sorry in advance, I'm at my wits' end!!! I've already called several hotlines, they can't help me, and I WON"T get locked up (again). Hell, I'll just come out with it - graphic or not, if need be. Dammit!