Why bother?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Anna, Jun 20, 2007.

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  1. Anna

    Anna Active Member

    I don't even know what to write or why I am bothering. I guess deep down I hope someone will say something that helps change my way of thinking right now. I have not got much hope anymore, The mood swings, the addiction to drugs, the severe depression it's all to much. The constant ups and downs, I think it's making me crazy. The worry, fear and feeling worthless all indicates to me that there really is no way to overcome this. :sad: I often think and ask God 'Why am I alive, when there are so many people who have cancer and other diseases and they want to live so bad. But they are not going to make it. Then there's me who would gladly change places with them, so they could live and I would die'. This probably makes no sense, I just need to get it out. Sorry to waste space and time.
  2. shoegal

    shoegal Member

    i dunno wat to say to make you feel better, but that tomorrow holds possibility. so wait it out till tomorrow morning. watch a movie or eat something, make urself a distraction.
  3. Anna

    Anna Active Member

    See that's what I mean. There's no help or feedback. That's why the post is titled Why bother. I am very saddened that this place was of no help for me. I will manage on my own, as I always have, and pray for the end. I hope you all find some help and peace.:eek:hwell:

  4. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Anna. Listen to me. You are here because your journey is not finished. It sucks, I know, and I know that you feel like your time is up. My father died in the prime of his life, just 4 years after his son (my brother) was born, just when our family was getting along so well, just when his job was going great and we were all so damn happy! But God took him away...you know why? Because he was done here. God decided that it was time. He was at his best, his most worthy, his most faithful and loving...and so God took him at the exact right time. As much as this kills me inside, it was his time to go, he was ready...spiritually, emotionally and personally. THAT is why God took him when he did.

    This pertains to you because God has not chosen to take you. You still have a life to live, things to accomplish. If you hurt yourself, you will cut God's plan short, not giving yourself the opportunity to do what YOU need to do on this Earth to develop as a person and as a soul. You are loved and you are worthwhile, and even if you cannot see a future for yourself, there is one. Be the best you can be. Try as hard as you can, and when you fail, pray to God for strength and help and then try some more. If there was nothing for you on this Earth, you would already be dead. Ask God what you are here for, and listen for him in the world. People say that praying is TALKING to God and meditation is LISTENING to God. Listen to Him. Do what you think is right. Make your life an example for those who are hurting and in despair. Be a shining light (however small) for the people around you by just being YOU. Be the lovely and loved person that you were born to be and pray for help and guidance.
  5. Issac

    Issac Member

    The reason why you take drugs is probably vacuous.....Actually some people who really got suicidal mind have much more worse situation than yours....Think about the people who are more worse than you, Lot of them can stand up and lead a better life, why you can't?What I suggest to you is to make more friends, i mean real friends who is kind-minded,share your feeling with them, you will feel better, you are not the only one who feel hepless and a lot of people willing to help you...So don't be scary.....Trust yourself and give you a chance.......God will favor you......
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Hi there sweety I just read your thread right now and I'm not replying to simply sound nice but because I genuinely care as other's do here.Anna darling I want to tell you one thing please tell me what you feel exactly I really understand ok,just open up as much as you can and want to I won't judge you.
  7. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Firstly you are not wasting time or space by posting here. Your reaching out for help and thats a very admirable thing to do. We are here to listen. We can offer support, tell you our opinion but we can't magically say something to change the way you think, if only it was that easy.

    The very first thing you need to tackle in your life is the drug addiction. This is where all your other problems such as the mood swings and severe depression are coming from. Some people get into drugs thinking it will take the depression away? It never does, its will still stay there until u do something healthy in your life such as therapy or counselling.

    Every tried rehab?? I would defiantly look into getting into some kind of rehab programme. Once you have the drug problem sorted out other parts of your life will be so much easier to sort out.

    Drug addiction affect other people around you as well, i know from personal experience. My brother and cousin started doing drugs, my dad did drugs when i was littler and my other cousin actually died due to a overdose. You need to sort that problem, your life will be so much stable with the drugs out of your life. Trust me.

    Please take care.
  8. memory318

    memory318 Member

    don't be sorry, you've taken the first step in helping yourself in your time of despair. I'm here if you need a person to talk to. I'm from Southern Cali, where are you?

  9. Anna

    Anna Active Member

    Thanks for everyones positive replies. peanut, Ace,vikki, thank you for caring. I only wish it was that easy to find relief in watching a movie or something that simple. The drugs help numb the emotional pain I've dealt with since I was 10. Watching my grandmother die, take her last breath has affected me terribly. Then 22 years later I sat and watched my mother die. I thought she was just finally getting some sleep after being in the hospital for 20 days. I didn't realize she was laying there slipping away. I watched and actually thanked God that she was finally resting, not being woken up all the time so they could take blood or whatever. So I sat there, thinking she would be ok. Until I tried to wake her, so she could take her medicine. She was cold and her hands were turning blue. She was still alive, barely, she died at the hospital an hour later. Maybe if I hadn't sat there for a half hour something could of been done. I blame myself for not doing something sooner. I could of saved her maybe. We all knew it wouldn't be long, she had been sick with emphasema/ copd for 14 years, on oxygen that whole time. But I didn't expect it to be 14 hours after she got home from the hospital. I failed her and now I live with that. 8 years later and it hurts still the same.
    The drugs are my escape, although I know they are only making my moods worse. Should be taking the antidepressant and anti-anxiety meds that I am suppose to be taking. But I choose the other because it takes me away from the pain. Theres other things that have happened in my life, being molested, being screwed over by so called friends, and having relationships that did nothing but make me feel used again. All I want is peace and a little happiness, but the past just won't stop haunting me, I am 40 now and still feel trapped as if I am still a teenager emotionally. Will it ever change? I don't think. All I look forward to is seeing my mom again and my grandma.
    Well theres just a little more info about me, it's hard for me to open up, always has been.

    Thanks again everyone
    Take care.
  10. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    I think lots of us find it hard to open up and thats why we find this site so helpful we can tap away on our keyboards and perhaps say what we wish we could say to thers. I understand your feelings of wanting to get away from it all in terms of drugs my dear friend did much the same but with alcohol when i read your post it was like listening to her with similar reasons, but sadly in feb 07 she died, she was drunk and her home caught fire she couldnt get out becouse she was not totally with it "getting away from it " for a while. Sadly she got more than that but it makes us realise we could be gone tomorrow many of us want to be with very good reasons and our feelings are true, try to hang in there we dont know whats going to happen tomorrow keep fighting a little longer. Sorry for your pain
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