I don't even know what to write or why I am bothering. I guess deep down I hope someone will say something that helps change my way of thinking right now. I have not got much hope anymore, The mood swings, the addiction to drugs, the severe depression it's all to much. The constant ups and downs, I think it's making me crazy. The worry, fear and feeling worthless all indicates to me that there really is no way to overcome this. :sad: I often think and ask God 'Why am I alive, when there are so many people who have cancer and other diseases and they want to live so bad. But they are not going to make it. Then there's me who would gladly change places with them, so they could live and I would die'. This probably makes no sense, I just need to get it out. Sorry to waste space and time.