Why bother?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Jun 14, 2012.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Today I've been triggered by the unknown. I feel very betrayed by some people. I am extraordinarily angry. I fear tonight and how I will release this burning inside of me.

    But, what difference does this make? None. Because who can do anything about it? No one, just me.

    Why bother posting here? No clue. Why bother trying? Haven't the foggiest.

    Why put myself through this when it continues to prove, over and over, that its futile? :bash: :bash:
     
  2. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Sometimes, just releasing the thoughts, talking them out, even if you receive nofeedback except to know that someone cares enough to listen. I'm sorry your day was so miserable and frustrating. Why bother? Hmm, you're needed, you've given so much to this forum, and one day you probably will again, but with even more experience. That's a benefit to others. Why Bother, for yourself? The simple things is what I focus on for myself, a nice sunset, a juicy mango, a dinner of fresh seafood, finding a great book by an unknown author......
    And I suppose sometimes it's just that there are others who are willing to help if they can, even only to listen. That kind of supports and encourages me
     
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you. no, talking out anything really isn't helpful as it enhances the thoughts without resolving anything. I'm NOT needed, far from it. For myself? Who gives a rats? And its okay, because at this moment I don't either. If those who are paid to help have given up, or so it feels, then why would others who aren't paid? And why would I? Nope.
     
  4. Tashok

    Tashok Member

    It's okay to be angry and scared. I'm sorry you feel betrayed. You're right, there's not a lot anyone can do if you don't want us to, but posting here tells me that at least some small part of you still has some hope! If you let people, they really can help. They can't make everything all better, there's a lot you have to do yourself, but look! At least two people who have never even MET you care enough about you to want to help! I know what it's like to be hurting so badly it's hard to breathe, and to feel like everyone has abandoned you and even worse to feel like they're right to do so! And I know what it's like to be so very, very angry about the whole situation - angry at yourself, angry at your friends and family, angry at the whole damned world. I'm a grand champion at alienating people. It sucks, but when you need people the most, that's when it's the easiest to push them away - and if you're like me, that's when you push the hardest.

    I know I don't know your situation, and I'm not trying to start a competition. I'm just trying to say that you're not alone, no matter how much it feels like you are. That's why this forum exists - so people like us can talk to other people going through the same things and we can feel less alone. Sometimes talking about our problems helps, sometimes it doesn't. You know yourself better than anyone. But if you decide you want to talk, if you want to reach out for support and understanding, we're here for you.

    And you know what else is great about this forum? There are people here who went through the same kind of hell as you, or as me, and *came out the other side*. Will what worked for them work for us? Who knows? Maybe not. Maybe you need to try meds. Maybe you'll go through a dozen useless suggestions - and some might not help now when things are blackest, but maybe tomorrow or next week or at some other future time your world will lighten a bit and you'll give some hokey coping mechanism one more try and bingo! It'll help. Maybe just a teeny smidge, but it could be enough to start an avalanche. It only takes one snowflake. Bad feelings build, but so do good ones, I promise.

    This can be a safe place to be angry, or in pain, or confused. Who are we gonna tell? It's anonymous. If you decide this forum has nothing to offer you that's your call, and it's okay if this isn't right for you. But if you wanna give it a shot, there are people here who care about you and who have an idea of what you might be going through. I hope you find something that works for you and that you're able to look back at this thread soon and say "Wow, I'm glad I stuck with it, life is good now". Until then there's an anonymous, screwed-up, depressed person hiding behind a photo of a fluffy dog online who cares - whether you want me to or not!
     
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Mo...has something happened between you and your therapist? I have been through many ruptures with both of my long term (over 16 years) therapists and know that things were repaired...you are so far from useless, and all the other negative things you label yourself...you are in a lot (words are so inexact) of pain...all these other feelings are understandable...much caring
     
  6. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    It's good to vent Mo. You are not useless and you are very much cared for here. The difference between us, and therapists is that we listen with our hearts and we can empathise to some extent. We will not give up on you Mo, and are always here if you need us.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 15, 2012
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Ditto!! I'm glad you're posting here Mo no matter what the reason...
    at least some of that anger is getting out on here if nothing else. :console:
     
  8. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    We give millions of "rats..." You are much loved & appreciated & cared about... Not always easy to feel that love I know but just like you cant "FEEL" the sun when its behind a cloud or see the water in a tap... you know ITS THERE... so plase just know our care is here ok??? :hugtackles:
    If I had the money I text you gazillion times - so here for you pm me if you like... xxx
     
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