Why can’t I be happy?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Rose24, Sep 11, 2009.

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  1. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    I just don’t know how to be ok or happy. I’m getting so tired of the same cycle over and over again. I keep telling myself that I have my daughter to live for, though I know that it isn’t true. She is no longer in my care-she does not need me and I doubt that my death will have any effect on her. I wonder sometimes what it is that keeps me going, it’s almost as if I am ashamed to admit that I want to live, that I keep giving my self excuses that aren’t real. The truth is that there is very little holding me back so why can’t I just die? I wonder if I died today, if I’d be missed or even remembered. Other than my mother, with whom I have a rocky relationship, who will attend my funeral? It seems that I am not only dispensable to my daughter but everyone. I do not want to be forgotten and I want to make an impact on people’s lives but I fail to matter, bond and trust and that is my fault, it is my fault I am miserable but how do I change? How do I get better?

    I know that I will never be like everyone else and for I while I told myself that that was ok, but then I look at others-not just here, and I think how many more years of this will I have to endure, what if things never get better, what if I never learn to be happy? I ask my self if it's enough, if everything I can be enough, I know that I can succeed professionally but I wonder if that matters, I worry that I will never be content unless I learn to function as everyone else does, but I just don’t know how.

    How can I be normal and happy?
     
  2. kuika

    kuika Active Member

    not sure about how to be happy, but this is what i use to try to stick around, hope it helps....just keep throwing those starfish back :)


    The Starfish Story
    Submitted by: suew
    Author: unknown
    One night, on a sandy beach, a terrible storm started. It rained. The wind blew so hard that it shook the houses along the beach. The next morning was foggy and gloomy. Many starfish had washed up on the beach. A man named Buck walked out on the beach to look around. Peering into the mist he saw a young man walking along the beach. He was tall and slender. Buck saw him throwing starfish back into the ocean. Buck walked up to him and said, "Why are you throwing those starfish back into the ocean? They'll just wash back up on the beach again. It doesn't matter." Without a word the young man bent over, picked up a starfish, and threw it with all his might. It went way out in the ocean. The young man turned to Buck and said, "It mattered to that one."
     
  3. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    Thank you, I know I have to carry on but sometimes I struggle to see the point.
     
  4. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I think that some of the problem you have is the way you are thinking. You're unhappy cos you feel unloved and that your life doesn't matter when in actuality it matters a lot more than you might realise. Your daughter needs you a great deal no matter if she's in your care or not, and if you were to die the people that love you would be devistated. It can be a good feeling to be needed because then we have something to live for and it can give us a sense of self-worth. I don't need to know you to know that there are people that love you and need you to be around, because it's the same for everybody.

    I can relate to how you feel about not being normal, but answer me this: what is normal? If normal is someone with a family and friends who has likes and dislikes and hobbies and interests etc then we are all normal. Everyone is different in their own special way, but it doesn't mean they aren't normal. Besides its how we are different that makes us human, not how we are the same. Personally, I love being different.

    I don't know if I can tell you how to be happy, it's something you have to find yourself. The only advice I can give is this: Appreciate the little things. A smile, a song, the taste of your favourite food or drink. Anything. Just appreciate it and enjoy it, because at that precise moment, there is nothing wrong.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2009
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    hun forget normal is no such thing and as for happy do happy for you and not waht will amke everyone else happy. rose you ned to take care of you first once you can start to do that happy will come you are like so many ohters her worrying and caring abotu everyone but yourself. gues it sorta like a defense method cuz when we stop doing for others we have no choice btu to see oru own pain. but you ahve friends here that wil help you throguh it.. please be safe
     
  6. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    itmahanh, tobes thank you for your replies.

    Tobes, I have very little contact with my daughter, I doubt that she will grow up knowing who I am, she is now safe and secure in her new family, and that’s ok. I know I won’t be missed when I die because I have a tendency to isolate myself, I don’t really have friends in the real world nor family other than my mother, its not just self pity, its fact. I am alone. I struggle to change this, I do try and its ok at first but I find myself fading into the background after a while, I suppose depression has a lot to do with it, I find that I struggle to make the effort to matter and yet I want to feel loved. I am miserable and I know that it is my fault but I can’t change. I just don’t know how.
     
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