I have posted before about the man whom I believe to be my soulmate and how I just want to push him away and say fuck it. This man, this incredible man, wants to buy me an air conditioner for my room. I am a student right now and make minimum wage. A fan would work fine and I can afford that. Or I can deal with the heat. I have funky windows so he wants to get me a portable one. Those run about $400.00. Last night we were emailing and he said he would send a new picture on one condition. I asked what that was and he told me he couldn't say because I would be mad at him. Of course my fucked up mind thought it was he found someone else. Over emails and chat he hemmed and hawed about it. I then called and made him spill the beans. He didn't want to tell me because he knew I would be mad that he was going to spend that money. I cried on the phone with him. No one has ever done anything like that for me. Not even my ex of 7 years would think to so something that sweet. He flirts alot online..and so do I. It hurts me so much to see him flirting with someone else. But, I am the one he calls and does such sweet things for. Oh, I am not a user. I do nice things for him as well..but in my budget. I love this man with all my heart but I am so fucked up in the head that I will loose him.