Why cannot I accept help?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Zodi, Jun 22, 2007.

  1. Zodi

    Zodi Anitiquities Friend

    I have posted before about the man whom I believe to be my soulmate and how I just want to push him away and say fuck it.

    This man, this incredible man, wants to buy me an air conditioner for my room. I am a student right now and make minimum wage. A fan would work fine and I can afford that. Or I can deal with the heat. I have funky windows so he wants to get me a portable one. Those run about $400.00.

    Last night we were emailing and he said he would send a new picture on one condition. I asked what that was and he told me he couldn't say because I would be mad at him. Of course my fucked up mind thought it was he found someone else. Over emails and chat he hemmed and hawed about it. I then called and made him spill the beans. He didn't want to tell me because he knew I would be mad that he was going to spend that money.

    I cried on the phone with him. No one has ever done anything like that for me. Not even my ex of 7 years would think to so something that sweet.

    He flirts alot online..and so do I. It hurts me so much to see him flirting with someone else. But, I am the one he calls and does such sweet things for. Oh, I am not a user. I do nice things for him as well..but in my budget.

    I love this man with all my heart but I am so fucked up in the head that I will loose him.
  2. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    3 words.

    Go for it.

    It sounds like you really, really love him, and he sounds like such a nice guy, he deserves a nice woman in his life. You only get so many chances, please take the risk, take the chance. I hope you guys get together and it all works out. Keep us updated :)
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Have you two ever met in RL? If not, I think that it would be a good first step. You sound as if you both care for each other a great deal. You will never know unless you try. Sieze the opportunity. You may find more happiness than you ever dreamed of.
  4. Zodi

    Zodi Anitiquities Friend

    That day is coming very soon.

    I am still a bit overweight and that is a huge issue for me.

    I am 40 with 2 kids. I am not the skinny thing I used to be and that is a HUGE issue for me.

    See, I am not happy with myself and I am petrified that I will be rejected.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I understand that completely. Have you been honest with him about your size and how you feel about it? If he is aware and has no problem with it, then you shouldn't either. I don't think most of us with kids and in the 40's of older are the cute, skinny little things we were when we were younger. That is part of the aging process. It would be nice if we didn't have to work so hard to simply maintain. Have you exchanged pictures? If there are no surprises and he really likes you for the person you are, size shouldn't matter. Just make sure you are honest and upfront with him. I wish you the best. :hug:
  6. Zodi

    Zodi Anitiquities Friend

    Yeah, I need to loose a bit over 30 pounds. I told him about it. We were emailing back and forth last night and I made the comment don't pay attention to what fat old me says. His next email said I am beautiful, not fat.

    I can't accept that. I just can't..never could and I doubt if I ever will.