Why can't i be cured, so that i can get a girlfriend?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by under the mask, Nov 14, 2015.

  1. Important information:
    Diagnosis: bipolar depression, Aspergers syndrome, and anxiety.
    I am an ok-attractive male, im shy but quite charming, and i dont want the supermodel, but the healthy girl, not to fat, not to thin. Breast size doesn't matter, at all. My perfect girl is a shy, sweet, loving, smart, shorter than me, and interested in exploring sex, especially soft BDSM, and most important, a girl who is capable to cope with my problems. Sadly the last one is the one that i dont think anyone can...

    I've only had two relationships, and both are big scars...
    My first relationship only lasted a week, she was the woman i loved, and the only girl i ever wanted to be with, and she was the girl who killed my belief in having a loving relationship... I dont like to sound melodramatic, but that day, i honestly felt that i died on the inside...
    My second relationship lasted 9 months, and i spent the whole time being an asshole. I didn't love her, and i only used her as an egotrip, and sex... It all ended because we ended up only fighting, and i was cold when we broke up, and i didn't understand that se cried...

    I want a relationship, but i dont want one... My life is one big paradox... I dont want to "destroy" another girl, but i really want to be in a relationship again, and i want to have someone in my life that i love like my first girlfriend, but i dont know how to...

    Please help me, i need something good in my life...
     
  2. I finally find a place where i belong, where i try to help others, and that do i get in return? nothing. Thank you for ignoring me...
     
    2 people like this.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Sometimes people just don't know what to say, I remember coming upon this thread at some stage but I couldn't reply at that time. Threads can go down and get lost (the forum is quite active). Please do not take it personally.

    As for relationship advice (i'm crap at that, ive been in abusive relationships) but take your time and you will meet the right person for you. You say you used a girl for an ego trip, we ALL make mistakes so do not beat yourself up about it.
    Hugs to you and here if you need to talk further. Best wishes.
     
  4. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Well.. I'm also autistic spectrum (formerly dx PDD-NOS) I'd suggest finding another Nero-divergent because the social issues with relationships- let alone any kind of relationship.. are very complicated in my experience between a Nero-typical and Nero-divergent. Unless the Nero-typical has experience understanding Nero-divergent thinking and the Nero-divergent has watched people enough to at least understand some social contact either by memorizing certain sarcastic phrases or patters in voice if possible. I've had trouble finding a group in my own area for ASD but I would think one for that specific issue would be of great social benefit. I've also found a good crowd in the anime fan arena. They even had an Autism panel at the local anime convention 2 years ago (and I think this year but I didn't go) The other issue I have found personally is the emotional piece of a relationship is very overwhelming when many who are ASD are so sensitive emotionally. Unlike how NTs try to make us out. I think we actually feel MORE and therefore we shut down our emotional centers at times in order to function. Similar to dissociating. I've actually found a connection to dissociation tendencies with ASD. Anyway, while society deems it almost necessary to have a partner, we don't HAVE to fit that mold. I understand the feeling alone but I've found I feel that way regardless. I don't know how you are. But anyway, I'm sorry you are struggling in this issue. But know you are not alone in this.
     
  5. But i am alone. What you say makes perfect sense, but that doesn't change the fact that i will never feel normal, or happy. I am alone, and i will always feel like that, and if that is how my life is going to be, then i dont want it!
    Everyone says i have to be "healthy" before i can start a relationship, but that will never happen! All of you are trying to take away, the tiny hope that i have of happieness... The only good thing about all of this, is that it's working. maybe this will be my final push towards the only happieness i will ever experience. The happieness of the end...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 2, 2015
  6. You don't have to be healthy in order to have a relationship in my opinion. You just need to have control over what you're going through and be confident in that. I know alot of people suffering from medical and emotional illness that just so happened to find someone that is patient and willing to educate and understand what their spouse is going through. I think some people shy away from being with someone that is suffering with some form of ailment, not because they're shallow but possibly scared of what they don't understand. So instead of taking time to understand they flee.