Why can't I change?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DropKick, May 20, 2012.

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  1. DropKick

    DropKick Active Member

    I've tried everything, medication, meditation, ect. Finally I got the guts to change my lifestyle. I moved from the city to the country. I enjoy life here a lot more, but I just can't change my thoughts or feelings. I feel like my head is about to explode. I want to break everything. I want to kill everyone. I've become so pessimistic it is a chore to even live with myself. I've tried digging my head deep in my hobbies, and my work. But still cant get my thoughts past my hate for people and the world we live in. I need something, some form of release. I need a good 12 hours alone in a glass factory so I can break my feelings away.

    I am so angry inside. So angry. I wish the world could change. I wish people could be more respectful but they just can't. I am a disability support worker, I give my life to my clients, they are the only decent people I know, the only grateful people I know, and they can't even talk. They are only thing that keep me going in life. And now my job is at risk for defending them. Two months ago I was charged for assault after stopping a group of youths from bashing one of my clients. They were teasing him with horrifying remarks. When one of the boys struck my client in the stomach I tackled him the the ground, and couldn't stop myself from hitting him. I was stabbed twice in back, one of the blows punctured my kidneys. I blacked out for several minutes after being stabbed. After I woke, 3 of the 5 gang members were unconscious on the floor. The other two had run off. I do not remember what happened, but witnesses say after the knife hit me I went what one onlooker described as "Rambo on their ass" and knocked out the 3 hoodlums. I got my clients back onto the bus, and passed out again, I awoke in hospital.

    I am being charged on 3 account of aggressive assault. Even with witnesses saying it was self defense. I got stabbed for christ sake! I was defending my passion! The reason I am getting charged is because apparently after my training my body is classified as a "lethal weapon".

    I do not understand the world. I can't loose my job, it is all I have left. I don't want to be an empty shell any more.

    I don't know why I am posting this, but I just had to vent. The world is a horribly unfair place.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope the legal system throws the ones that assaulted you away You should not be charged with keeping your clients safe Ihope you have good legal representation and you counter suit against the ones that attack you hugs
     
  3. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Hello
    Glad you are able to vent here and use this forum for that as you will find support.I will agree the world is a sad place and the law does protect those who dont deserve it.I hope you can get through this and the ppl in court do it with there eyes open.So proud that you stood up for defensless so stand proud.
     
  4. DropKick

    DropKick Active Member

    Thought i'd mention that all the charges against me were dropped, and my stabber was convicted to two years imprisonment.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Thanks for the update wow justice that is great hun i hope this person does the full time too Hugs to you
     
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