I've tried everything, medication, meditation, ect. Finally I got the guts to change my lifestyle. I moved from the city to the country. I enjoy life here a lot more, but I just can't change my thoughts or feelings. I feel like my head is about to explode. I want to break everything. I want to kill everyone. I've become so pessimistic it is a chore to even live with myself. I've tried digging my head deep in my hobbies, and my work. But still cant get my thoughts past my hate for people and the world we live in. I need something, some form of release. I need a good 12 hours alone in a glass factory so I can break my feelings away. I am so angry inside. So angry. I wish the world could change. I wish people could be more respectful but they just can't. I am a disability support worker, I give my life to my clients, they are the only decent people I know, the only grateful people I know, and they can't even talk. They are only thing that keep me going in life. And now my job is at risk for defending them. Two months ago I was charged for assault after stopping a group of youths from bashing one of my clients. They were teasing him with horrifying remarks. When one of the boys struck my client in the stomach I tackled him the the ground, and couldn't stop myself from hitting him. I was stabbed twice in back, one of the blows punctured my kidneys. I blacked out for several minutes after being stabbed. After I woke, 3 of the 5 gang members were unconscious on the floor. The other two had run off. I do not remember what happened, but witnesses say after the knife hit me I went what one onlooker described as "Rambo on their ass" and knocked out the 3 hoodlums. I got my clients back onto the bus, and passed out again, I awoke in hospital. I am being charged on 3 account of aggressive assault. Even with witnesses saying it was self defense. I got stabbed for christ sake! I was defending my passion! The reason I am getting charged is because apparently after my training my body is classified as a "lethal weapon". I do not understand the world. I can't loose my job, it is all I have left. I don't want to be an empty shell any more. I don't know why I am posting this, but I just had to vent. The world is a horribly unfair place.